He Will Change Because He Loves You

November 30, 2016

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  Hi DJ Chloe,

  First of all I’d like to thank you for continuing to empower women. Please hide my identity. Currently, I’m being torn between “IF IT’S MEANT TO BE IT WILL COME” and “GO AND GET IT.” I’m pregnant with my boyfriend or better to say ex-boyfriend. This is our second child. Our first child died due to prematurity and after a month nabuntis ulit ako. Hindi na kami magkasama sa bahay. Our relationship is on the rocks even before I gave birth. We have lots of differences. But I’m willing to change. Pero siya mukhang hindi. I frequently catch him flirting with girls online. Ang katwiran niya buti nga daw ‘yun online lang eh ako daw I’m meeting clients in person. Sagot ko business-related lahat ‘yun kasi nasa sales industry ako. Hindi niya maintindihan or rather ayaw niya intindihin. I’ve tried to talk to him about our differences but still ganoon pa din siya. It seems that hindi pa siya sawa sa pagkabinata to think na 33 years old na siya. Hindi ko nakikita ang pagiging father-material sa kanya. Two months na kaming walang communication. Hindi ko na siya kinakausap because I feel that I’m just fighting a losing battle. Should I continue to fight for our relationship? Palagay mo ba DJ magbabago pa siya? Or it’s better to raise my child alone kaysa mamatay ako dahil sa stress na inaabot ko sa ama ng anak ko. Would it be unfair to my child if ipagkakait ko sa kanya ang pagkakaroon ng ama? I’m confused. Please, help me.

  Ace

  Dear Ace,

  You know, this usually is the problem of women. Grabe ang ating messianic or messiah complex! We stay in a toxic relationship because we think that we are what our partner needs for him to change! If I can be more loving, if I can be more patient, if I can be more enduring, more submissive, wilder in bed then, or if I give him a baby, maybe, just maybe, he will change. WRONG! Nothing you will or can do to make a person change. Ang pagbabago nagsisimula sa kagustuhan ng taong magbago. A man changes because he loves you. A man won’t change because you love him. Ibang-iba ‘yun, dear. Eto pa, nabuntis ka na, nakunan ka? Correct me if I’m wrong. Nakunan ka sa stress mo sa kanya? Ngayon buntis ka na naman at ganun pa rin siya. And you think it would be unfair for your child to not have a buong pamilya? You know what’s unfair? Forcing your child to live and keep up with a horrible father/husband. Know when to draw the line, dear. Maganda ka pa naman. Alam mo kahit may anak ka na, may lalaki pa ring magkakagusto sa’yo at tatanggapin kayo ng anak mo lalo’t ‘di ka naman babaeng perwisyo sa buhay. Kasi marunong kang mag banat ng buto. I suggest go with your pregnancy alone and be the best mother to your child. Never mind if you’re not given the chance to be the best wife to the father ‘di niya rin naman maa-appreciate ‘yan busy siyang ubusin ang lakas niya sa mga babaeng ka-flirt niya eh. ‘Wag na nating pag-usapan na sinisisi ka niya. Ganyan ang sasabihin ng lalaking lampa. LAHAT KASALANAN MO.

  

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