Torn Between Rebellion And Guilt

February 15, 2017

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  Hi, Ms. Chloe!

  I want to ask for some advice too. I’m sending you a message personally kasi baka mabasa ng hubby ko or our friends and relatives ‘yung problem ko with him. And I don’t know who will I trust for some advice. Because mostly friends are chismosa, not really concerned. My problem goes like this…

  We’re 12 years married and until now nagre-rent pa rin kami. Kung hindi pa nakapag-abroad si hubby hindi pa kami makakabili ng foreclosed house and lot. My problem is, nadiscover ko na nagsusustento pala siya sa mother niya. Okay lang naman sana. What irked me is he never told me about this and what’s worse is it was extended up to his siblings. Tapos lagi siyang inuungutan ng mga ‘to every occasion. Even before siya nag-OFW ganun na ang setting.

  What I want is sana naman ibahin niya ‘yung future namin kahit na isa lang ang anak namin. Lately, nagrecession sa work ko, so medyo hirap ako ngayon magbudget. Kinausap ko na siya regarding this and it seems parang nagdadamot pa ako. I’m confused between rebellion and guilt.

  Here’s the other thing. When her mom knew na we’re planning to buy a property she’s telling us to buy a property in their province too. And I told my in-law straightforward that not until we have our own house and lot. Feeling ko ayaw nila kami umasenso. If they are really happy for us, they will support us. Hindi naman kami nagdadamot sa kanila kasi every time na umuuwi si hubby ang daming pasalubong sa kanila and kami pa sponsor pag-umuuwi kami sa province. He’s too generous to the point na he’s not thinking about our own future. Sakto lang lagi. Hindi ba p’wedeng may sobra para in case of emergency naman may mahuhugot kami. Mabuti na lang nu’ng may work pa ako I somehow saved some money.

  KC

  Hi, KC!

  Utang-uta na ‘ko sa sa usapang in-laws, hahahaha! I am starting to really believe they are the biggest problem in a marriage other than third parties. Kung may nakikinig na in-laws or magiging in-laws na, eto po sana kapulutan natin ng aral, ano?

  Problems like yours persist because it is your husband who allows it and is allowing it and will allow it.

  Just like you, he is confused. Torn between rebellion and guilt, rebellion on your husband and guilt because it’s his family we’re talking about.

  ‘Nak ng patuka naman talagang kultura natin, oo.  Why do we oblige our children na kargahin pa tayo sa pagtanda natin? It is our obligation as parents to ensure that they have a chance in life, clothe them, feed them, educate them.

  Eto pang mga kapatid na puro hingi din. Na p’wede naman silang magtrabaho at kumayod ng hindi nanghihingi, ‘di ba kayo nahihiyang mang hingi?

  KC, ikaw na lang ang save for yourself. Have a bank account that you only know of. Beneficiary, anak mo. Hindi masama ang isipin ang sarili minsan lalo na ang asawa mo eh mukhang walang planong unahin kayong mag-ina.

  Walang ibang solusyon sa problema mo kundi ipaalam sa asawa mo ang problema mo na sila ang problema mo. Ewan ko ba, may mga taong nag-aasawa pero ‘di kayang unahin ang sariling pamilya. Paulit-ulit na ako. If you really marry a man whose life is not anchored on God and doesn’t know His word this is what you get.

  Your in-laws will not support you and will really want you to be close to them or live near them. Why? They want the goose that lays the golden egg to be within their reach. I’m harsh, sorry. I, too, have my parents. They’re old, both seniors now. But never did I hear them na obligado kami ng mga kapatid ko sa bills sa bahay or what. When my mom makes lambing that I buy her medicine or she wants me to buy her a new bag, ako ang nagkukumahog na makabili for her and I am thankful that they taught us hard work and earning our own money. Because it will break my heart if wala akong maibigay sa kanya knowing  she doesn’t ask for it like it’s an obligation. Ramdam mo ‘yung lambing lang sa’yo ng magulang mo. And it’s my way of giving back to her, to them. Dahil lahat ng alahas na binigay niya sa’kin naubos sa sanglaan when I started having kids of my own. But still, we are never under any obligation na buhayin sila. We are blessed, they were given a business by our Lord that will sustain them. Matatanda na sila but still they choose to be productive. And  they know for a fact, we have our own obligations being parents to our children and. I am pretty sure if we need to magkukusa kaming magkakapatid magtulungan.

  Kausapin mo asawa mo, sabihin mo ano nararamdaman mo. If it falls on deaf ears, then you know what kind of person you married.

  

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