We Slept Together Because We Were Lonely

May 8, 2017

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  Good morning, DJ Chloe.

  Please hide me sa pangalan Mister. I already wrote you a message before regarding dun sa girlfriend ng kaibigan ko na naging girlfriend ko din while sila pa. I never thought na magme-message na naman ako sa’yo ngayon. Panibagong katangahan na naman. This message is not about the girl that we talked about before, if you can still check my old messages. Wala na siya. I already moved on. She already moved on. Yeah, it was fast. As fast as our five-day relationship. So here’s my another stupidity.

  May nakilala akong bago, DJ Chloe. She added me on social media. I accepted her request because that time I was hurting and I was on the moving-on process. I accepted her not to make her a rebound. I accepted her because I wanted to open my heart again to other people. We started chatting. After two days of chatting with her, I finally had the guts to invite her to my apartment to have some coffee which she agreed. She came. We talked. We had coffee. Habang kausap ko siya, I noticed na hindi sya ganon ka-vocal about sa personal niyang buhay unlike me. I don’t even know her last name and I tried to ask but she refused to say anything. I also asked for her Facebook or Instagram account but she kept mum about it so I stopped myself from asking.

  That day, while we we’re talking, we didn’t realize that its already past 3am and I don’t want her to leave my apartment alone and take a taxi because its kinda risky here in Saudi (well, kahit saan naman ). So I told her to sleep na lang dito sa apartment ko, siya dun sa kama ko sa kwarto, ako sa sala sa sofa. Pero tumanggi siya na hindi kami magkatabi matulog kasi nahihiya daw isya. So what we agreed on was she will sleep on my bed at sa baba ako ng bed, mga four inches lang.

  Habang nakahiga kami, she kept on asking anything and everything about me hanggang sa sabihan niya ako na pumanik sa kama at dun na lang kami magtabi para makapag-usap ng maayos. Pagkatabi ko sakanya, she suddenly hugged me. And that hug made a spark. We kissed. We had sex. Came morning, she left. Pagkaalis niya, nasa utak ko pa rin ‘yung tanong na kung bakit first name lang niya ang pwede niyang ipaalam sa’kin. Bakit hindi siya open sa’kin about her identity and yet open siya sa pakikipagsex sa’kin. The next day, I invited her again to have coffee, she came, we had coffee, and again we had sex. She’s awesome. She know’s what I want and she’s not hard to please. Right after that second inter-course, we slept together. Naging araw-araw ang pag-uusap namin mapaphone calls man, texts, chats at kung ano-ano pa. Until one day, I saw her Facebook account.

  May asawa na siya, DJ Chloe, may dalawang anak na din siya. Kasal sila at nagsasama pa rin sila hanggang ngayon. Pagkatapos kong malaman na may asawa na siya, I invited her to my apartment para komprontahin siya, at umamin nga siya, DJ Chloe. Umamin siya na may asawa siya. Sinabi niya sa’kin na ang mga ginagawa namin ay katuwaan lamang at para daw matulungan daw namin ang isa’t-isa sa mga pangangailangan namin, at ‘yun ay ang init ng katawan. Sinabi niya sa’kin, DJ na hindi dahil nalaman ko na daw ang tungkol sa kanya ay ititigil namin. Ang gusto niya ay ituloy tuloy pa din namin basta no emotional attachment at, no strings attached daw.

  At first, I was hesitant but still I agreed on the setup that she wants. Heto ngayon, DJ Chloe. Pagkatapos ko siyang mahuli sa lihim niya, nahuli ko din ang sarili ko na mahal ko na siya. I started to get hurt, DJ Chloe. I started to get jealous. I started the feeling of wanting her every minute of my every day. I started to fall in love. I love her already. It’s been two weeks since I met her pero masasabi ko na mahal ko na siya. Mahal ko siya hindi dahil nakakasex ko siya. Pakiramdam ko mahal ko na siya kasi hindi na lang sex ang gusto ko sa kanya. Gusto ko na lagi ko syang ka-kwentuhan.

  Gusto ko na lagi ko siyang kasabay kumain. Gusto ko lagi ko siyang kasama, kasama sa araw-araw. Sinubukan kong iparamdam sa kanya na mahal ko siya pero pinagbawalan niya ako. Kapag nalaman daw niya na may gusto na daw ako sa kanya, hindi na daw siya magpapakita sa’kin at hindi ko gusto ‘yun. What should I do? Hindi ako takot na mawala siya, DJ Chloe, kasi alam ko naman na mawawala siya anytime lalo na’t may asawa siya at wala naman siyang feelings sa’kin. Ang ikinakatakot ko lang ay ‘yung bagay o sakit na pwede kong maramdaman ‘pag wala na siya. Anong gagawin ko? Please let me know. Thank you and more powers.

  PS. It’s fine kahit hindi mo ito i-post. Kailangan ko lang ng hampas mo na gigising sa tulog na tulog ko na namang utak.

  Hi Mister,

  You know what, ang taas na ng HIV dito sa Pinas. I’ve also lost some friends because of it.

  What I’m pointing out here is because of your “loneliness”, ‘di ka kaya magkasakit?

  You’ve sent me a letter twice and both contains having sex with:

  1. Girlfriend of a friend.

  2. And now, a stranger who suddenly became your friend.

  You found out she’s married. Sa totoo lang ‘di ko alam what to tell you. But you know this may sound so cliché. Why not get to know God? He can change your life, you know.

  I’m sorry I do not know what life is being abroad, working abroad. Maybe it is lonely, more than lonely, but these things also happen here.  I am just so sad that people nowadays give so much importance to worldly pleasure. To think they are fleeting, temporary, and  superficial.

  Find your purpose in life, Mister. And I am so sure your purpose is not just banging women you cross path with.

  Well, some will say okay lang ‘yan, just wear a condom. Then you go home feeling empty again.

  Put some direction in your life.

  

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