When Love Comes At The Right Time

September 11, 2017

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  Hello DJ Chloe,

  First of all, medyo matagal na rin po akong nakikinig sa iyong segment na “Chloe’s Inbox” and so far, never pa po akong nagdisagree sa mga payo at opinyon mo. As in ‘yung tipong napapasabi na lang ako ng “TUMPAK!” every time you dispense of your solicited and wise advice. Anyway, here’s my story: I was engaged to be married to my first boyfriend of 10 years when on the last minute, we both got cold feet and decided to call the whole thing off. It was a mutual decision that I never once regretted. That was back in 2010. Right after that, I got reconnected thru email sa aking ultimate college crush. And when I say ultimate, I mean, “ultimate”. Sa kanya ko naranasan ‘yung butterflies in the stomach at ‘yung tipong hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sa tuwing kaharap ko siya. At nagkataon naman that he’s the torpe type. He’s the guy whom I consider as my “the one that got away”. Unfortunately, I found out right away that he is already married with three kids. He was surprised to find out na single pa rin ako. Ang akala daw niya, matagal na kaming kasal nu’ng ex ko. Despite that, we emailed each other once a week and chatted occasionally. We kept our conversations wholesome and not once did we meet. Pero aaminin ko na may kilig every time I would get a message from him. Lalo pa nga dahil it turned out na marami pala kaming things in common. Magkasundo kami sa music, sa mga pananaw sa mga bagay-bagay at sa buhay. In short, same wavelength kami. Ang kaso, dumating sa punto na naghihinga na siya ng mga problema nilang mag-asawa. Not naman in detail but he’s telling me that their marriage is in the rocks. Doon na po nag-alarm ang mga warning bells sa utak ko. I adviced him to be the best father to his children and to try to be the best husband to his wife. At sinabi ko rin sa kanya that we have to stop our communication which has been going on for a year. Nu’ng una, nakiusap siya na huwag naman daw since I “brought the color back into his life.” At dahil sa wala naman daw kaming ginagawang masama. I told him na “we’re not born yesterday” at alam na namin kung saan papunta ang kwento. I also told him that I have nothing to gain in this “friendship” at sana ay irespeto niya ang desisyon ko. He accepted my decision and we have never heard from each other since. I still pray for him and his family. Na sana ay maging masaya siya at patuloy na gawin ang nararapat. Sa ngayon po ay seven years na akong single. Nakasanayan ko na rin. Natanggap ko na. Hindi naman sa walang nagparamdam or nag-express ng interest pero wala lang po talaga akong nagustuhan. Sa dami po kasi ng mga narinig ko ng sumulat sa inyo, nasabi ko sa sarili ko na “I would rather be a spinster forever than to be a neglected, or worse, an abused wife.” Athough minsan, aaminin ko po na may mga moments na parang ang sarap ng may ka-cuddle. I sometimes miss getting intimate with another human being. Pero not once po akong nag-give in kahit may chance dahil alam ko that I will only end up hating myself after. Lalo na kung walang pagmamahalang involved. I turned 40 this year and since sabi nga nila that “life begins at forty” ay sinubukan ko ‘yung online dating na tinatawag. Nagregister ako sa isang dating app late August at may mga naka-chat akong foreigners at mga Pinoy. Sa sampung naka-chat ko isa lang ang matinong kausap. Karamihan puro “hook ups” lang ang hanap. Nadismaya ako and was about to delete my account ng may magmessage na isang American last September 01. Maayos siyang kausap, marespeto at magalang. He is 35 years old at may maayos na trabaho. We chatted everyday. Pareho po kaming Christian and we have the same values when it comes to relationships and he knows my stand when it comes to sex. Nagulat na lang po ako when he informed me that he will be coming over this weekend to meet me. In person. He will be staying for a week. DJ Chloe, ano po ang gagawin ko?

  Nawiwindang,

  Emily

  Dear Emily,

  Then by all means meet him.

  So you’ll know what he really looks like, ma-gauge mo kung paano siyang kausap in person kasi iba naman kapag sa chat lang.

  Who knows…this might be the one?

  You seem to be a woman with wisdom, so I believe you wouldn’t sell yourself short when you meet this guy.

  Balitaan mo na lang ako if things will be well.

  Invite me to your wedding.

   

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