Take Note Of The Golden Rule

September 20, 2017

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  Hi DJ Chloe!

  Most of the time I reported to work late and most of my Grab car drivers are in tuned in your program. I find your advices helpful and this lead me to search your Facebook page and decided to write you about the situation I am now into. For several months now I am into the lowest point of my life. I found out that my husband has an extramarital affair with his officemate (a widower for less than a year or ‘di pa nakakapagbabang luksa). One Sunday, while we are inside our room and in bed somebody texted my husband and from a far glance it seems the texter is calling him “baby”. By the way, I never check my husband’s phone though it has no password. Kakalat-kalat lang phone niya at home. My kids are even sharing a load from his phone without asking his permission anymore and it’s ok with him, that kind of setup). I listened to my gut feeling and I decided to asked my husband to have merienda downstairs and while he is preparing our merienda I told my daughter about my suspicion and I asked her to got to our room and check her dad’s phone. My daughter was able to capture through screenshot the texter’s message and she forwarded it to me thru Viber. My intuition was true. I never suspected my husband to have this kind of relationship because all the signs of a man having extramarital affair are not present in his actions or behavior. He is still the loving, generous, and kind husband I used to enjoy. In fact, I am proud to say that I am tin he “happy wife, happy life” situation. On the same day, I confronted my husband and I asked him who is XXXX, the texter. He told me that she is the same person we used to talk about. Napag-uusapan namin siya madalas after namatay ng asawa niya because we pity her. I was there during this girl’s husband’s wake and burial. So, in short my husband became the comforter of this girl. That same day too I called this girl and I told her that I already knew about their relationship. The girl assured me that she will move forward and whatever kind of closeness they have (closeness is the term she used) she will end it. My husband told me that for several times she talked to this girl and told her that he needs to make distance from her because he can feel that it will lead to a not good situation. Especially, he is a married man but every time he will talk to this girl, she is using the fallacy of Misericordia. Lahat daw ng pagpapaawa ginagamit ng girl sa kanya. Nagulat na nga lang daw siya isang araw “baby” na tawag sa kanya. My husband told me (I’m not sure if he is telling the truth) that before going home he dropped by in a church to pray hard that God will give him strength to finally makaalis to the situation he is now into with this woman. He told me that he is still lucky and he consider it as God’s providence when I saw this girl text. So this time he won’t have any difficulty dealing with this girl on how to end their relationship. I told my husband that if in the future the same thing will happen I will leave him. He is in deep repentance on what he did (we are 23 years married now). He submitted himself to a psychiatrist and counselor (spending Php2,000.00 per hour every session) just to make sure that this will not be repeated. Because according to him losing me and our kids will be the end of his life. He even said “willing ako magpaalila sa iyo or lumuhod sa harapan mo just to forgive me.” He talked too to my kids (all grown up), admitted what he did (he said he allowed the girl to trap him). But he admitted too that he should be blamed for allowing the said relationship to happen. According to him, he has a time frame on when to end said relationship but naunahan daw ng discovery ko. In fact, according to him the girl was able to sense that it seems that umiiwas na siya. He told the kids in front of me while we are in dining table that “ito na ang huling beses that I will hurt your mom and you too.” Though I can feel and see his extra effort to finally forget the incident I am having a hard time knowing they are in the same office. According to him every time she saw this girl “parang may hangin lang na dumaan, ni hindi ako magsmile sa kanya, she is nothing now.” According to him resigning from his present company is not a solution because it does not guarantee that this girl will not make effort to reconnect with him. Panghawakan ko daw pangako niya sa akin at sa aming mga anak. Tama ba ang decision niya to stay put in the same company? Thank you. May God bless you more.

  Danielle

  Hi Danielle,

  Oh eh di panghawakan mo ang pangako niya. But don’t be stupid enough to just let him be. Mag tabi ka ng konting duda pa rin. Well, I cannot say if tama ang decision niya to stay in the same company. Maybe he is thinking about his tenure, his position, ngayon pa ba siya lilipat ng ibang trabaho? But if he is marketable and good, and experienced kahit pano makakakuha siya ng ibang kumpanya na expertise niya ang pagbabasehan ng hiring sa kanya. Siguro naman he has realized ano nagawa niya. Sana makayanan niyang hindi masilaban o masunog ng hindi lumalayo sa apoy. Baka abutin siya eh. Sunog siya ulit niyan. Wala kang magagawa kung ayaw niyang iwan ang work niya, if he is making efforts then allow him to prove himself again. On your part, kahit mahirap, try to trust him enough but not too much. Gawa ka ng surprise and random visits sa office. Sana nga ‘di na siya umulit pa. Pag-umulit pa, throw him out of the house, maliban sa stress bibigyan ka rin niyan ng sakit.

  

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