Chloe’s Inbox – Stop waiting for a man to be a real one

October 9, 2019

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  Hi DJ Chloe,

  One of silent readers of Chloe’s Inbox here. Nagsulat na ako dati using my dummy account. Pero real account ko na ‘to so please hide my identity. I want an outlet channel para malabas ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Nakakastress po pala mag-asawa, ano? Six (6) years na ‘ko may kalive-in. I don’t want to get married kasi madaming ng history of cheating and all. ‘Nagbago’ naman siya. I forgive but I will never forget. So my problem started when my partner noticed na wala na akong gana magmake-love with him. Ilang beses ‘yun na attempt niya and I always showed na ayaw ‘ko. Until nagalit at nagwalwal. I really don’t mind. Ang sa akin lang if gagamit siya ng iba, eh maghiwalay na kami. Kesa mahawa ako ng sakit nila. Reason ba’t wala na ‘ko gana? Siguro ‘di ko na siya mahal. Ewan ko. Wala akong iba. As in work-bahay-work lang weekdays routine ko and bahay-bahay ‘pag weekend. Wala akong social life. Siguro wala akong gana sa kanya kasi he’s not of any help when it comes to financial. Shoulder ko lahat. May work siya, pasulpot-sulpot (work for five months in contract, then wala work for one to one and a half years). Magwork ulit ‘pag trip na niya. ‘Yung sahod niya sapat at madalas kulang pa pangtustos sa sarili niya at unang anak niya na nasa puder ko din. Btw, may anak na din kami and honestly I am the one providing for all his needs. Feeling ko nga mas malaki pa benefits if magsingle mom ako tutal ganun din naman nangyayari. Makipaghiwalay. Many, many, many times I thought of this pero parang takot ako. Nasasaktan. He is my first ever relationship kaya ‘di ko pa alam pano magmove on. Well, madali lang magmove on, pero ‘yung process of moving on siguradong mahirap. Please enlighten me, DJ. If mali ba ako, or what. Salamat.

  Hi Sis!

  Hindi nga ‘yan madali specially because you have child with him. Most men don’t really understand kung ano talaga ang role nila sa isang relasyon. Matriarchal kasi society natin, most men eh na-baby ng mga nanay nila. Kaya ‘pag kasama mo na sa buhay minsan akala nila extension ka ng nanay niya. Aalagaan mo, pagluluto, etc. Pero simpleng pagprovide sa pamilya hindi magawa ng tama. Mahirap din pag ang nakita kasi eh babae ang main provider. Maybe they grew up thinking it’s okay. You tried your best to be contented with what he can just put on the table. Kaya nga for six (6) years ikaw lahat sabi mo, ‘di ba? Kaya lang siguro napapagod ka na. Plus karga mo pa pati anak niya. Some people would tell you hindi mo obligasyun ‘yun. ‘Yung sarili mong anak ang obligasyon mo lang. And I think that’s true. The betrayal you went through because of his pangbababae also contributed to what you feel. Disgust is what a woman feels after being cheated on repeatedly. It really feels disgusting to learn that the man you love is sleeping around. It makes you feel disgusted knowing that your relationship is insignificant. It’s also getting to be disgusting when you see that the man you chose to be with has no plans at all. Sabi mo nga parang ‘di mo na mahal. Maybe, or maybe not. Baka pagnawala sa’yo makaramdam ka ng lungkot kasi you will miss not the person but the moments together. Or maybe you will be relieved that finally you were able to get out of a relationship that’s not going anywhere. Only you can decide for yourself and only you will have to deal with the consequences of your decision. Six (6) years together is enough for you to consider if you still need six (6) more years of him and what he’s giving you. God bless.

  

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