Chloe’s Inbox – Assumptions will drive you crazy

November 19, 2019

• 

  Dear DJ Chloe,

  Hi! I’ve been listening to 96.3 since I was 11 which was back in 1990 — so do the math na lang of how old I am. Kindly keep my identity a secret because one of your closest friends is also a friend of mine. Please bear with me because this is a bit long. Thank you!

  Anyway, the reason why I sent you a message is because of this one guy. He is a friend of mine who is nine (9) years younger than I am. By the way, I am separated (for 10 years) with two (2) teen-age daughters. I met him late last year and we became friends before new year. We belong to the same business organization and as the days go by we became really close. I already have a liking towards him because he is really brainy and funny. My confusion began when we attended a dinner party early this year. He asked me if I’m still interested to have a boyfriend or to be in a relationship again. I was kind of surprised when he asked me that question out of the blue. I just casually said, ”yes, why not? Kung meron bang magkakamali, bakit hindi…” I will admit, nadagdagan ‘yung pagkagusto ko sa kanya noon kasi I assumed na parang may gusto siya sa’kin. So days went by, we never lost communication. We message each other almost every day. Madalas about the meetings we had or about the tasks we needed to do but sometimes meron din kamustahan about sa life. There came a point na bigla na naman siya nagtanong kung meron daw ba akong nagugustuhan sa org namin. So medyo nasurprise na naman ako sa kanya. May mga nasabi din siya na parang ang babae pwede na din magmove hindi lang lalake. Or pwede magparamdam, parang he’s talking about stereo types when it comes to admission of feelings. Almost to the end of our conversation, I told him I like him and I know my boundaries. He thanked me for that beautiful conversation that night. Middle of this year he hired my services which gave us a chance to spend more time with each other. In short, mas naging close pa kami. Mas naging touchy din siya and may mga nabibitawan siyang flirty words. He also expressed to me that he wanted me to be part of their company and its success in the future. He also needs my services in the future and making ways for me to collab with another person in their team. Dilemma is that everybody says he’s not straight (bi or effeminate perhaps). He is younger, he is at the point of his life na driven towards success siya. ‘Pag nag-uusap naman kami I know he considers himself straight. Kwento siya sa’kin about ideal girl niya and ‘yung mga nagustuhan niya din dati. Nakwento na din niya sa’kin life story niya and he also shares problems to me. Minsan parang nagseselos din siya dun sa isa kong friend na member din ng org naming kasi super close din kami nun (parang bi din ‘yun but the three of us share the same faith, Bible-believing Christians), I had been contemplating for months now na magsabi sa kanya about sa feelings ko. Medyo affected na din ako sa nararamdaman ko sa kanya. So, last week, I sent him an email and told him about my feelings and kung pano ‘yun lumalim. I also told him na ‘di ko ine-expect that he will reciprocate my feelings because I think that is impossible. I also made it clear to him na ‘di pa naman ako in-love sa kanya. It’s just a deeper kind of admiration and liking. I also asked him na if ever magkita kami ‘wag niya sa’kin babanggitin ‘yung email ko sa kanya and he can totally forget about it. However, the last reply he sent me for a different message (after I emailed him though) was just an okay sticker and I just opened it and that was it. Now, I want to ask, given all these info, do you think there is a possibility that the feeling is mutual? Should I still try to reach out to him? I never asked him how he feels towards me kasi takot ako na sabihin niya sa’kin na wala siyang feelings. Is it fair na ‘di ko na ‘yun itanong sa kanya? Or should I be content and move on from what happened and from what I am feeling? I need your insight. Thanks in advance. God bless!

  Sincerely,

  Wilted Old Rose

  You’re not wilted, nagwilt ka bigla dahil hindi ka nakatanggap ng favorable response sa sinabi mo sa kanya sa email mo. Dilemma mo lang dati feelings mo, what you only knew of. Now dilemma mo is ano na after kang magtapat? Sana hinayaan mo na lang ‘yung nararamdaman mo, that’s the problem with assumptions eh. Ipinapahamak tayo lagi ng assumptions na ‘yan. Eskwelahan ‘yan dapat, ‘di ba?

  Para sa akin, kahit uso na na women can be vocal, I’d rather keep my mouth shut about “feelings”, you never know if it will sit well with the guy or not. Ang lalaki naman kapag gusto ko magsasalita naman ‘yan. For now, treat it like a grain of salt, or take it like a grain of salt. Dedma. Be the first to forget it. If he is into you, you will know, if not, you will know as well and it’s okay. Move on from it and please, never do it again. Sana nauna ka munang sumulat sa’kin bago ka nag-email.

  

• COMMENTS