No Labels Just Friends With Benefits

June 8, 2016

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  Hi Chloe, I need your insights about this. I’m a single mom, actually separated, left my husband for being irresponsible and immature. Currently, I’m working abroad.

  Anyway, I’ve never been in a real relationship. Since then, I only date and then watch the guy leave. Mostly, the guys I get attached to were married or their relationship status is complicated. Then I will just end up hurting myself, I never seem to find out why I am more attracted to these men.

  So, eventually I moved on, gave more time and love for myself, more focus on family and fitness. Then one day, I met this guy in the recreation center. He is into sports (check), he is 39 years old but looks younger than his age (check), he’s smart (check), and single (check, check, check).

  We had a short talk, more like getting each other’s name, where we work, how long I’ve stayed, if I have been into sports for long time, etc. Until he succeeded to get my number. What’s awkward was that he had me typed his number and gave him a call so he’d save mine. And then I was the first to send him a text message. Then there it started. First few days, he was calling me until he finally asked me out and we went out. It has been three months. Despite his busy schedules and work  we went out together five times. He brings me to his place, hit the bed, romance, and sex, cuddle, and a lot of talk. Like we go straight to what we both wanted, kind of like no time wasted.

  He is an engineer, I’m a nurse. He works most of the time, he never wanted to get married. He was once in an arranged marriage but he eventually turned his family down. For him, he wants to fall in love. He’s 39 and turning 40 in a few months. Since then he was focused on work. In the three months that I have known him, his work is mostly out of town, plus goes home late, and even brings his work at home. He once asked me to understand him for that and as for me, it doesn’t bother me, actually it did, but because we are not really going steady so no big deal. There is no clear label to what we have now. He always tell me that he doesn’t want to get married. Plus he is too picky.

  But he tells me his plans. Like how he wanted to have his own house, which he’ll build in a few months. And I seem to understand that the floor plan do not include rooms for a possible family. It’s more of a bachelor’s house.

  He tells me how busy work is that he couldn’t find time for his self. So he’d never have time for a wife and kids. Like I said, he tells me that he is too picky when it comes to women. Should I be flattered that he still comes to me? I’m trying not to believe what I feel and even denying it. I just feel how good it is to be with him then just let the day pass. I’m so scared to be in something I am not sure of where it’s heading to. He is sweet and he makes me feel wanted whenever I’m with him. But when not, he would never call me or text me. But he lets me know where he’ll be in the next few days or so. He doesn’t send sweet messages, not even send text messages every day. And he will just ignore if I send him messages. But he’ll surely send a message when he wants to see me, which makes me feel like we’re on “you-only-see-me-when-you-want-to” kind of thing. Actually. I don’t really feel important to him. But I refuse to feel that, so I prefer not to be too attached with him. I learned not to send him messages, learned not to miss him, and not to think about possibilities between me and him. Except this time, which is confusing me. Should I bother ask him who am I in his life? Could it be the right time to ask the label of what we have? Or when will it be right to ask him? One way or another, I am also scared to lose him. In my mind, it’s better than to have nothing from him. I really like this guy.

  Chill

   

  Hi.

  Such a well lengthy but well crafted letter of “ no-label, friends with benefits thingy” where the only person who has the best advantage is the guy in the story.

  Oh, well unless, this is also what you want and this is your only intention, miss…to be banged on all the time without even knowing if this guy is really into you or just into your pants.

  As I have told you, this set up is okay if you’re not expecting anything. But you are already expecting RECIPROCITY for what you are now starting to feel, which I believe will never happen. Let me point out why and I’ll get it all from your letter:

  1 . “…which makes me feel like we’re on “you-only-see-me-when-you-want-to” kind of thing.” (Believe him on how he makes you feel.)

  2 . “It has been three months. Despite his busy schedules and work  we went out together five times. He brings me to his place, hit the bed, romance, and sex, cuddle, and a lot of talk. Like we go straight to what we both wanted, kind of like no time wasted.” (Three months in bed, nothing official, maybe that’s what he is only after–a companion in bed.)

  3.” Could it be the right time to ask the label of what we have?”  ( A man who is into you will be man enough to tell you he wants you all for himself and not allow you to wonder what you and where you in his life )

  4. “But he tells me his plans. Like how he wanted to have his own house, which he’ll build in a few months. And I seem to understand that the floor plan do not include rooms for a possible family. It’s more of a bachelor’s house. He tells me how busy work is that he couldn’t find time for his self. So he’d never have time for a wife and kids. Like I said, he tells me that he is too picky when it comes to women. Should I be flattered that he still comes to.” (Hahahahaha, what else do you need to know?)

  5. ” For him, he wants to fall in love. He’s 39 and turning 40 in a few months.” (So, did he already tell you for the past three months of being in bed with you on several times that he has fallen in love with you?)

  6. “Like I said, he tells me that he is too picky when it comes to women. Should I be flattered that he still comes to me?” ( No, he spends time with you because he doesn’t find it hard to get you in bed whenever he wants to. Men are sexual animals, santo lang o kaya bakla. (no offense po sa mga kapederasyon, mahal ko kayo) ang hihindi sa palay na kakalat-kalat lagi para tukain ng manok. So don’t indulge yourself into thinking that this is flattering. In fact dapat mainsulto ka, ‘yan lang ang sinasadya sa’yo.)

  7 . Except this time, which is confusing me. Should I bother t ask him who am I in his life?  (My favorite line: IF A MAN LOVES YOU, YOU WILL KNOW. IF NOT, YOU WILL BE CONFUSED. YOU CAN ALWAYS ASK, JUST ALWAYS BE READY WITH THE ANSWER YOU’LL GET.)

  

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