Try To Change The Future

June 13, 2016

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  Hi DJ Chloe,

  I love to hear your insight about this. For sure a lot of people who are working in the BPO industry can relate to my story.

  Call me Jane, I am 24 years old working in a BPO. And you know in the culture of our industry, dun mo talaga makikilala ‘yung iba’-ibang klase ng tao. If you know what I mean. And here in our office I met this guy, a really good looking guy. Though he’s 34 years old na, he’s still playing computer games, drinking every weekend, his room is so magulo–‘yung talagang wala pang balak magpamilya. A real bachelor, sobrang happy-go-lucky n’ya. He’s so sweet naman, intelligent, and has a good sense of humor. No wonder ang daming nagkakagusto sa kanya sa operations in spite of his age. Well he’s my supervisor, we had an affair that lasted for seven months while he’s in a relationship with someone.

  Single naman ako, Chloe. Not to brag but I have suitors but my full attention is on that guy talaga. At first I was just challenged kasi my officemates were chasing him. Tapos siya naman he’s chasing me. I know that she has a girlfriend already, I even met the girl once. And that challenged more. Nu’ng una sabi ko, chill lang kami but too late, seryoso na ‘ko. Gustong-gusto ko na siyang agawin. Nakikita ko kasi na hindi worth it ‘yung girl. I want to be the girlfriend na the only girlfriend. Even his family doesn’t like the girl. Imagine this, Chloe, we celebrated Christmas, New Year, and special holidays in his place together.

  ‘Yung mga tao sa office, mga taong nakapaligid samin ay sobrang saya para sa’min. Nakikita naman kasi nila na masaya kami sa isa’t isa. Nakkita nila pa’no siya naggrow. He was even promoted and awarded as one of the outstanding. Alam nila kung pa’no ko siya alagaan, hindi lang siya pati ‘yung mga tao na nakapaligid sa kanya minahal ko. And it was reciprocated minahal din nila ako. Kaya nakita nila bawat sakripisyo ko sa kanya. I even chose to be with him ‘pag may sakit siya rather than going to our work. Andyan ‘yung nag-aral pa ‘ko magluto ng soup, magpaligo ng shitzu niya, magsurf sa net ng mga procedures ng kung ano-ano. Nagmature talaga ‘ko sa relasyon namin. Hindi naman ako ganito noon. I have my yaya at gigising na lang ako, kakain, at matutulog. I was there every time he’s sick and unmotivated to go to work. I was there when no one else is.

  Chloe, he knew that I’m just one call away. Both of us knew that there isn’t a call that I wouldn’t answer or anything I wouldn’t do for him. But the choice is mine. Ginusto ko siya kahit alam kong masasaktan ako sa maraming paraan. Napakadali niyang mahalin pero mahirap patagalin. Nandyan ‘yung magkkita sila ng girlfriend niya at ako makakatulog na lang kakaantay ‘pag p’wde ko na siya ulit i-message. I can’t even post a single photo of us. My family were asking, wala bang nanliligaw sa’yo. And the idea na lahat na ginagawa ko for him, hindi pa rin ba p’wdeng ako na lang. ‘Yung ako lang.
  I’ve spent so much time loving him, even at his worst, that I deserve love too. But I stayed kasi mahal na mahal ko siya. Sobrang toxic in a way na napaparanoid na ‘ko ‘pag magkasama sila. I can’t even sleep.
  He prefers to be with me na daw over his girlfriend. Mas masaya daw siya pagkasama ako. It is just that attached na attached lang siya sa family ng girlfriend niya. Kung p’wde niya lang daw ibigay ang dapat, he will. He even asked me kung kaya ko na ba siyang ipaglaban not just over her girlfriend but also to the people that will give negative feedbacks to us. Kung kaya ko na daw ba siyang panindigan sa family ko. Gustong gusto niya pumunta sa bahay, Chloe. And my answer would be a consistent NO. It is not because I’m weak. Kayang-kaya ko ‘yun gawin. It is just that alam kong kung mahal niya ko. He will not ask me those questions anymore, right, Chloe?
  After few months nalaman na ng girlfriend about us. Wala talagang sikretong hindi nabubunyag. Pero hindi niya ako inaway. She just left a message to me. Na sobrang na guilty naman ako. What if I was her? I positioned myself in her shoes baka hindi ko kayanin.

  But she managed not to post anything on social media nor rant about us. I was guilty. My conscience is knocking but I’m happy then. Happiness like this is threatening. Naging paranoid na naman ako. Baka kasi mag cheat din siya sa’kin. And yeah, women’s instincts are right. May babae na naman siya. Chloe, what will I do? I just don’t want to believe but my friends are telling me that he’s dating a girl. I’m so broken. The feelings that I have invested is too deep. I can’t afford to lose him. Pinaglaban ko siya ayokong mawawala siya dahil inagaw lang siya sa’kin. But I can’t afford to lose myself in this situation again. Pagod na pagod na ko makipag-agawan. His new girl is even a close friend of mine. Haay…

  Thank you so much, Chloe! God bless.

  Jane

  Dear Jane,

  So this new girl who happens to be a friend of yours, she doesn’t have any clue that you guys are an item? Wala siyang alam na kayong dalawa? To think, she is close to you, she must at least know, ‘di ba? Or wala din siyang delikadesa kaya she joined the circus?

  You guys, you’re all making this man feel so great and so full of himself.

  Some men at 34 are also self-made. May mga ipagmamalaki na, not like this guy. 16 years from now he will be 50, add 10 more years, 60. All of his good looks will fade.

  Anyways, you’re lucky his legal girlfriend didn’t make any scene. Hindi ka rin na-cyber bully. That’s more than enough reason for you not to mess with a man who’s committed already. Some women also love intensely like you do. And you don’t know what they can do to you.

  You know, sometimes, the best way to understand your situation and to know what to do with your problem is for you to also go through the same. Now you know how the girlfriend felt. Such a humbling experience right,? Learn from it.

  There are men who can and will say things just to make you stay, they’ll make you hope they will change if you be patient a little. And you’ll hope they’ll change, too. A man can make you feel and think that if you continue to be a good woman he will return the favor and be a decent man. But it won’t happen. Being a good woman to a man who doesn’t value your worth will only give him someone to USE. AND BEING PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING WILL ONLY GIVE HIM THE LEEWAY TO CONTINUE HURTING YOU.

  Don’t indulge yourself anymore with the thought that soon he will realize everything you did for him and he’ll come back to you and choose you. It’s easy for him to find a replacement and believe me there are willing victims too like you.

  God now is showing you a way out. Be happy you were not disgraced when the girlfriend found out. Life is always a matter of choice. You have chosen to get involved that’s why you’re hurting now. So bad you feel so crippled. Make another choice, dear, to let go. And forgive yourself for loving him too much you forgot to leave some for yourself.

  Forgiving and choosing to move and let go will never change what happened. But it will definitely change the future.

  

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