Where To Stand?

June 21, 2016

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  Good morning, DJ Chloe!

  Let me start my letter for greeting you a happy Father’s day!

  You can call me Daisy, 32 years old. I’m just seeking an advice kasi gulong-gulo po ako. I had a boyfriend (foreigner) based in China. He is a psychologist, helping children who has behavior problems. We started talking online last year and everything goes well between us. Wala akong masabi, mabait po siya, hindi bastos. Earlier this year he decided to visit me here. Actually, before he came here to visit me we had a plan that I will go with him in Shanghai. So I prepared my papers, we flew together to Shanghai and I stayed with his unit. Everything really goes well. But of course, I can’t stay there any longer because the embassy just gave me 14 days visa, which is tourist. So I flew back here in Manila. I left all my clothing to his unit because we had a planned that we have to find ways to get another visa (working) so that I can stay there longer. Kasi ayaw ko po mag-overstay dun, mahirap na! So eventually the embassy didn’t grant my visa application. So I wait. He had another plan to transfer in Hong Kong, which is he had a job offer. But everything was changed when he talked to me na he have plans na magstay sa kanya ang daughter niya kasi dun na daw magschool sa Hong Kong. And he said na uncomfortable daw sa daughter niya ‘pag magsama kami. Anyway, wala po siyang biological daughter nag-adopt lang po sila ng Chinese girl. At as of now, ‘di pa po siya totally divorced sa asawa niya. Last December lang siya nagfile ng divorce so maybe this coming December pa ‘yun ma-grant. ‘Di ko lang po lubos maisip na in spite of everything ginive up po niya ako. So we decided that our relationship has to be over. Ang sakit po, DJ Chloe, na ganun-ganun na lang. Mahal ko po siya, ‘di ko po alam anong gagawin ko. I feel so disappointed now. Sana po mabigyan niyo ako ng advice na magpapagaan sa loob ko. Parang ang sakit lang na sinabi niya when it comes to his child I would be a second choice. ‘Di po ako nakipag argue sa kanya. Ayaw ko pong magbitiw ng masakit na salita. Ano po kaya ang dapat kong sabihin at gawin. Ako po ang nagdecide na ‘wag na ituloy ang relationship namin kahit sinabi niya na hindi pa naman sure na magsama sila ng anak niya sa Hong Kong. Wala po kasi akong assurance. Baka mas lalo akong masaktan pagdating ng panahon. We just spoke a while ago, he called me asked me not to give totally for our relationship at patuloy pa daw po kaming mag usap. Salamat po.

  Dear Daisy,

  Everything changed when he told you about his plan? That he plans on having his daughter stay with him in Hong Kong? Alam mo, Daisy, ‘yung mag-asawa ka lang ng ibang lahi that itself would require a humungous amount of adjustment on your side. Iba ang kultura nila. How much more marrying a man with a complicated life? Divorce on process, kids about to stay with him , adopted kids at that, maybe you want to give him some time so he can make up his mind? He started something with you when he isn’t done with anything yet in his life? Do you want to be a part of it? But at least, he is honest about the “ plan”. I am just thinking if that is the real reason. Maybe you can find out further? If he decides to let you go so he can have his full time devoted to his kids, there’s nothing you can do. Whether they are biological kids or not, a good parent, single parent, should really prioritize his/her children. I just noticed, he said he can’t let you stay in the same house with his kid? Why? Can’t you guys have a relationship with the kid being with him? Are you planning to stay together? Is there a talk about marriage? ‘Cause if wala pa naman, tell him to loosen up a bit, unless ikaw ang nagpupumilit na magsama kayo. If not, then just enjoy the relationship and maybe show him that you can be friends with his daughter. Be a girlfriend, Daisy. Don’t force him to make you his wife, especially if you feel he is not ready for it.

  

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