Mothers Can Give Countless Chances

June 29, 2016

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  Good morning, DJ Chloe!

  Here I am again, this time tungkol naman sa aking panganay. Medyo mahaba itong letter ko kaya pasensya na for taking too much of your time. May panganay got pregnant when she was only 18 (2nd year college). Hindi ko sila ipinakasal because that time, I think, hindi pa siya handa sa buhay may asawa. After two years, naghiwalay sila nu’ng guy. She is in a relationship now with a lesbian. I have nothing against lesbians. Sabi ko nga sa kanya kung iyong taong ‘yun ang makakapagpabago ng buhay niya, then okay na sa akin. But as it is, she is still the immature, irresponsible daughter I know. Pinag-aral ko siya ulit this school year because I read in her Facebook post na she’s feeling kind of low. Siguro daw because her brother (my bunso) graduated last May 26.

  One thing I don’t like is when I tell her something na feeling niya is not right to her. After a day or two mababasa ko sa Facebook na kesyo siya na naman daw ang mali, na she is a disappointment.

  I am living with my mother na like me is also biyuda. Pag-umuuwi ako ng bahay may sasabihin si Nanay tungkol sa kanya, which I think is true naman kasi may pagkaburara talaga ang daughter ko bukod sa tamad pa. By the way, my daughter is now 24 years old and my grandson is 6 years old. Kaya bukod sa pinag-aaral ko siya, pati ‘yung bata kargo ko rin. ‘Di naman kasi afford nu’ng tatay ng bata na magsustento kasi hindi rin palaging may trabaho ‘yung guy. My daughter recently resigned sa work niya (call center agent) kasi nagkaroon ng conflict sa work niya.

  Hindi ko alam who is at fault sa relationship naming mag-ina. Hindi ko matanggap ang relationship niya with the lesbian pero wala naman akong ipinakikitang kabastusan ng ugali. I just told her na hindi p’wedeng umakyat ng bahay dito ang ka-relasyon niya. I have friends na into same sex relationship pero ‘di ko alam kung bakit when it comes to my daughter hindi ko matanggap. Am I at fault here? Sabi nga ng mother ko hindi ko na obligation na pag-aralin siya after getting pregnant dahil ang anak ko naman daw ang nagkamali. Gusto ko lang kasi na magkaroon siya ng better future kapag degree holder na siya. Sa palagay mo, is there still a chance na she will change? Thanks for any advice you can give. More power to you.

  Mommy B

  Dear Mommy B,

  You know, if you’ve never been hated by your child, then you’ve never been a mother or a parent at that.

  For as long as there is life, for as long as we are alive, there’s a chance for change. Change is coming na nga daw ‘di ba?

  I won’t delve on your issue of her in a same sex relationship. D’yan pa lang, you can already say and tell, that your daughter made her choice. She made a choice, now let her learn what she has to learn and live with the choices she has made. Sometimes, even if it means seeing them hurt,  then so be it. So they would know what they did and the consequences of their own decisions.

  Anak mo ‘yan, mommy. And I always say this, we don’t give up on our children no matter how much they have pained us. Bilang ina alam mong you will always be there for her, sasambutin mo pa rin ‘yan ‘pag kinakailangan. Alam ko pakiramdam mo, ‘di bale nang pasaway basta nasa’yo at nakikita mo, ‘di ba?

  Pray for what’s best for her, Mommy. Never cease praying for your child. These are the times that you probably feel na ‘di mo na alam ang gagawin mo. And believe me, hindi lang ikaw ang may ganitong sitwasyon na malaki ang problema sa anak. At alam ko you’re asking yourself if this is your fault? No, may mga sariling isip ang mga anak natin. And we can only do so much, they have to learn because we can’t be here forever.

  Talk to her without getting mad at her. Tell her you’re able to read her posts and it pains you to know she feels that way. Talk to her and set your limits. Hanggang saan lang ang p’wede mong isuporta sa kanya at sa anak niya at pilitin mong sundin ang limitasyon mo.

  

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