Move On From All The Lies

September 7, 2016

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  Hi DJ Chloe, please don’t use my real name. Just call me Ms. Confused. I’m 34 and have been broken in every way you’d know.

  My problem started when I met John. He courted me for over 2 months, showered me with time and care. We always send text messages from good morning to goodnight and all our moves in between, like eating, doing whatever, going wherever. I felt like I’m on his mind every moment of everyday. We are together on Saturdays, watching movie, malling, dining, just spending so much time together. Twice a week he’d be up early to pick me up from work at 5am and have breakfast together. A lot of times he would also drop me off at work. A few times we’d have dinner together. He’d always ask if ‘m happy, and he’d say he’s happy too. He said he’d wait until I’m ready to give him my yes. Sounds perfect, right? I’ve felt like he could be the one, but I wanted to be sure so I didn’t rush. I knew I’d seen him with a girl on march. He claimed they already broke but wouldn’t  really say why. I want to give him enough comfort to talk about her so once in a while I would ask about her and he would just shrug it off. I would even ask him if he’s really serious about courting me to give him time to think about it, but he continued on. Last month, I decided to tag him along on my long planned trip to Davao, to spend real time together, get to know him more. It was also his first plane ride and the dates covered his birthday, so I wanted it to be memorable.

  I want him to be happy so I thought to myself that if he’s still at his best, my gift would be to let him know that he’ll have my yes by September. Things went well, apart from a few moments of silence from him. I was too focused in making sure the trip was well worth it so we also didn’t get the chance to talk. I guess, I already have the feeling that something was bothering him. When we got back to Manila, the frequent texting stopped. I thought he was just busy or tired. But when he didn’t pick me up as scheduled, I knew something was wrong. 3 days after the trip, I confronted him through text, he said nothing was wrong. The next day, I tried again, that’s when he replied with “I’m sorry,” I didn’t understand what was wrong so I pressed on. And that’s when it all came out. He has a fiancée. They’ve been together for five years and she found out about him being out of town so they broke up. I was devastated. How was he able to keep it from me that long? Why me? What had I done to deserve the lies and deceit? How could the girl not interrupt us when we’re together? He only said sorry. He said he still loves her and will pursue her back. There were so many questions. I was so hurt. 2 days after I asked for a face to face confrontation but it’s all the same answer. Just “I’m sorry” and “it’s all my fault.” He said that he fell for me but he loves her.  How could that happen? Probably seeing him calmed me down but I still asked to let me hit him in the face. I did, twice, then left. When we got home, we texted a bit. I asked him to keep the texting part of our routine.

  But the next day I decided that I should be staying away from him so I told him that I don’t know if he misunderstood or what but his response didn’t sound good to me. It was like “of course, we can’t be together if she takes me back. I know you can move on.” I was like, “It’s easy for you to say move on because you started this, you made me believe you were nice, made me accept you for what you are. And I can never undo that.” Then no response from him. Next day my anger was gone but the day after that it was back. I sent him a hate text then blocked him off my phone. My thoughts are confused. Why didn’t he choose me? We were happy and we were taking care of each other. Why spend so much time and effort on me then drop me like a hot potato? Why lie to me? Why hurt me? Well, I shouldn’t be hurting because there was never an “us” yet. I felt cheated, used, he’s gained my trust and then just played with me. The memories burn me. The way he says “I really, really, really like you, do you like me too?” And his reaction whenever I ask if he cannot wait anymore. I wasn’t sure of my feelings for him but I am sure that I miss his messages and affection. I still can’t believe that he’s done all these to me. Lies and deceit for the chance I gave him. Just last weekend I decided to unblock him and I got a text from him. He said he misses me sometimes and asked if I still want to see him. Told him I do but I’m not a rebound girl so he’d have to bear the consequence of his choice. He asked me to be friends with him and stay. Told him I’m still hurt by what he did.

  Then the next day, unfortunately, I had to text him about a favor I need to ask. He told me he’s with his fiancée. Not wanting to sound bitter, I wished him luck. I hated myself for not checking his Facebook profile because I would’ve found out if I did. I wanted to send Michelle, the fiancée, a message about what really happened because I’m pretty sure he hadn’t told her about me. I know she works at Wyeth and I can give her a call. But I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I cannot forgive myself from trusting his actions so much. I didn’t give him any reason to lie to me. And I’ve given him the chance to tell me any truth, yet he decided to lie. How do I move on from someone that was never mine? Why am I hurt? And how can I forget that pain of being lied to? I hope you can help me get over this fast. Thank you and God bless!

  Ms. Confused

  Dear Miss Confused,

  First of all,  I don’t think it’s a good idea and I don’t think it’s also fair to involve Michelle with this. If the guy in this story is telling the truth, spare the fiancé naman of the drama.

  You’re lucky because according to you she did not interrupt the two of you when you were together. What if suddenly she popped out of nowhere and starts harassing you?  At least, she kept silent.

  Ganun talaga girl eh. Kaya ako I always believe that when something is too good to be true, it really is too good to be true. In your case, it’s your expectation too that’s really breaking your heart.

  He turned out to be something you never thought he was or is a liar. People can be very cunning and scheming. We cannot really tell what they will and will not do. It’s human nature, I guess, to make or commit mistakes. Some are honest mistakes. Some are planned mistakes, “premeditated mistake.”

  No matter how much you get, the itch to send him a text message or ask him for some favor, I think you should stop.

  He lied. He was deceitful, he deliberately did things to hurt you, and that alone should make you decide to cut all connections with him. He didn’t choose you eh. He chose the fiancé . End of story.

  

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