You Need Yourself First Before Any Man

September 12, 2016

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  Hello DJ Chloe,

  Just call me Lee for short. I’m 30, separated (not legally) and I have a 5-year old daughter. 7 years kami ng asawa ko bago naghiwalay, nakulong siya dahil sa drugs and way back 2013 hindi na kami nagkita, walang sustento or kahit ano. I find it hard na habang lumalaki ‘yung anak ko walang kinikilalang ama. So I took every opportunity na magkaboyfriend ulit at bumuo ng masayang pamilya dahil ‘yun lang naman ang pangarap ko.

  Ang hirap pala ‘pagkasal ka pa, parang walang lalaking seseryoso sa’yo dahil hndi ka nila p’wedeng pakasalan. Hindi ko naman kaya ang gastos sa annulment. Mula nang maghiwalay kami ng asawa ko hindi na ‘ko nagkaroon ng matinong relasyon. Madami akong naging boyfriend after him. Palagi akong naloloko, mabilis kaso akong magtiwala at maniwala. Pakiramdam ko isinumpa ako ng dati kong asawa kaya ganito nangyayari sa’kin. Isang masayang pamilya lang ang gusto ko. As of now, may boyfriend ako. One month pa lang kami pero I doubt na magtatagal kami at mas bata siya sakin ng 7 years. Mahal ko na siya pero habang tumatagal parang nararamdaman ko na nanlalamig siya sa’kin. DJ Chloe, alam mo ‘yung feeling na ayoko ng pumasok sa ibang relasyon, kung siya, sana siya na. I feel so stupid na ilang lalaki na ‘yung hinayaan kong manloko sa’kin. I really don’t know if magwo-work ba ito this time, he is just 23 and para akong nag-aalaga ng bata.

  Ang dami kong napagdaanan DJ Chloe. Battered wife ako ng ex-husband ko. I was also abused when I was young. To dream of a perfect family is not too much, ‘di po ba?

  I need your advice. Thank you.

  Lee

  Hi Lee,

  Let’s take it from here ha  ” I find it hard na habang lumalaki ‘yung anak ko walang kinikilalang ama. So I took every opportunity na magkaboyfriend ulit at bumuo ng masayang pamilya dahil ‘yun lang naman ang pangarap ko. ”

  Reading your letter, I feel the desperation. But Lee, someone should tell you that your daughter/child, though she needs a father, is not telling you to find her one.

  And every attempt you do, to find him a “father” doesn’t come with an assurance that you will find the “one”. Ang dami ko ng lalaking nakausap, wala pa sa sampung daliri ko ang nagsabi na okay lang ang may anak, na tanggap nila ng buong-buo. Matanggap man nila pero ‘di nila kayang mahalin na parang anak nila ang bata. Merong exceptional, God-given. But you can’t  spend the rest of your life looking for that person, right? At sa kakahanap mo sa “father material” para sa anak mo at “partner” mo na rin. Ang bawat palpak na tao, sa anak mo ang tama nun, bata ang palaging tatamaan. And I am so sure you know exactly what I am talking about dahil nagkaka-usap tayo thru chat. Ang tamang tao hindi hinahanap, ipinagdarasal, at hinihingi sa nasa taas.

  Lee, you are enough. You are the best she can ever have in her life in this world.J

  You do not need a man to complete you,  to complete both of you.

  Do not live your life trying to get the approval of others, trying to please others, trying to look for something that’s not meant for you, for that is the surest way to fail in this life.

  I understand there is a vacuum in you. I understand you have been broken in the most unimaginable way. ‘Wag mo ng ulitin sa anak mo. Kasi alam mo naman na ‘di ba? You know for a fact because you are actually spending the rest of your life to forget a few minutes of your childhood. Please, don’t let that happen to your own child. For this, I suggest you also seek therapy. This is probably the reason why you have this “need” in you to be loved and accepted akala mo love na. But it’s not. It’s “co-dependency.”

  Lahat ng lalaki maari kang iwanan Lee, makakuha ka man, makahanap ka man ngayon, pero pwede kang iwanan. But your child will be your child forever.

  Lastly, give your life to God and ask Him for healing. He is the only One you need and who can fill the void you have in your life. Sounds cliché? Try it.

  I’m praying for you.

  

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