If It’s Just Sex Then Maybe It’s Not Love

September 14, 2016

• 

  Dearest DJ Chloe,

  I hope you’re in the best health upon receiving my letter. And I hope you’ll read my letter. I don’t know if you should post this because of the content of my story but if it will help other people you may post this; and anyways you’ll hide my identity, right? But please, I need words of advice from people like you. I’ve been married for 10 years already. We had two kids. I married my guy because I liked to settle down with him for the following reasons: he’s from a very good family circle; he has a good job and he’s also good looking. I was contented in that idea, putting aside love, because I was told by my family that love makes a person weak. All of my siblings’ marriage was arranged and I was lucky enough to be able to choose who to marry. Looking at my siblings’ successful marriage lives, I said to myself I should live a life like them. So I committed myself wholeheartedly to the marriage. We both had decent jobs. However, when I was offered an overseas work assignment that I cannot turn down due to the very handsome pay my husband has to resign from his work to join me overseas. We were very much happy and contented in our lives overseas to the point that it was okay with me that hubby stays at home and take care of the children.

  The problem came when I realized why am I doing all the work? I began to question him why is he contented of just staying at home? “Are you not bored staying home?” I asked him. He answered “I enjoy and love taking care of the kids.” After talking to him many times about it he eventually found a job but stayed in it for about only a year then resigned and stayed at home again. I was stuck in a situation that I should do everything for the family. I worked 8-10 hours a day. I come home to take care of the kids and have sex with my husband. It was unfair for me. It was really unfair. After years of job contract abroad, we went home to Manila. This was a true test for us because my monthly income is not the same amount that I received while I was abroad anymore. We had to sell our car and some other belongings so that we could have money. Our savings was depleted in just few months. And to my shock my husband doesn’t want to find a job to help me in the family expenses. This was the time that I was always mad at him because my income is not enough and it felt like I’m going to lose my mind. Then he decided to leave with the kids and go to the province at his parents’ place. He said the kids can have their schooling there because it’s cheap and I can just travel their whenever I want. He added that in this set up I can fully support myself without worrying about him and our kids because his parents will help the three of them. I just cannot believe what I heard when he said that. What kind of a person did I marry? I agreed to his suggestion because I was really fed up with him and in the situation and I also cannot truly support my kid’s education in Manila. We did not communicate for months. I just called to check my kids. I was left alone and suddenly I resorted to an app in my iPhone to have fun. In this app is where I met a guy who is in the USA. He’s a Filipino also. We chatted, we talked, we even had our Facetime until we developed our feelings for each other.

  I fell in love with this guy because he makes me feel really good. And best of all, we did the online sex. It’s so embarrassing to say this but I must admit it was really, really, really way much better when we did it in person. Yes, I went to USA to see him and did the thing in real-time situation. It was the best sex I ever had. Mind blowing, hot, passionate whatever you say! We both felt the same. After I came back to Manila we continued our routine communication and online sex. I forgot that I was married, I have kids, all that mattered was this great feeling I have. Until the day came that he had to marry the mother of his only child who is in the Philippines because according to him marrying the mother of his child is the only way to get his only daughter. He said he doesn’t really love the woman but the procedure of bringing his child into USA requires him to marry this woman. It’s the only resort or way he could think and affordable to him.

  Of course I was broken-hearted and at the same time understood him. So they were married last year in the Philippines and he immediately came back to USA. We continued our online relationship. He said he plans to divorce his wife when he eventually gets his child. I don’t know if I should believe him in his statement. I am now back in overseas work with my two kids. I finally separated with my husband. The only thing that lacking is the paper to declare that we are now legally separated. Now DJ Chloe, I wanna ask if am I a sick person to resort to online relationship? Am I stupid to think that there is a chance for me and him to be together? And DJ Chloe, is it okay to have a relationship with him just for the sex of it? By the way DJ Chloe, I didn’t know good sex until I met this guy because my husband suffers from premature ejaculation.

  Ms. Voyage

  If you are already working on your annulment or I don’t know maybe divorce, then I believe the marriage is really about to be over. Ganun talaga, marriage can either make you or break you. We marry a person hoping that there would be someone to be with us through thick and thin but end up being alone actually. Like what happened to you, you did everything alone. Well, I would like to commend him for taking care of the kids. Pero baliktad eh. I don’t know why most men when they see that their woman, their wife, is good at getting and finding the money, they literally slack and just let you do everything. Okay na sila na nasa bahay. X-box, PSP, paluto-luto, palaba-laba, pa-inom-inom…

  It would be good sana na sasabayan ka rin ng asawa mo sa kasipagan mo. Pero hindi eh, hahayaan ka na. I’m sure maraming makakarelate sa sitwasyon mo. I don’t know why some men are like that. Maybe intimidated, maybe contented, or maybe really just lazy. Kaya no matter how good of a worker you are, I believe it’s important to give your man the responsibility of feeding the family and make him really be in charge. Men loves to be needed, I think that’s the key, or tamad lang talaga!

  As to your next concern, the other guy, I don’t think its love that you feel. Nag-enjoy ka lang sa “ginawa” ninyo. It was something new to you, and you may have mistaken it for love, when in fact it’s lust.

  Staying with him for the sake of sex? Well, he got married, right? And you do not really know what is the real deal between “them”. Words are cheap, promises easy to make, up to you if you will wait for him to prove his words to you.

  You’re 41 dear, nine years from now you’re 50. Do you think you can still keep up with all the sex? 40-ish companionship na dapat, ‘di ba? At this age, we start to be less clingy, more mature, more secure of ourselves, and starting to have this special bond with our God.

  But that’s you, maybe your libido is still flaring up at 40 and as you’ve said you didn’t know “mind blowing” sex till you met this guy.

  My dear, mind blowing sex doesn’t last long. Familiarity will set in and the fire will die down.

  And then there you are again, left alone. Wondering what happened and what you could have done wrong.

  

• COMMENTS