The Present Is What Matters Most

October 6, 2016

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  Hello, DJ Chloe!

  Call me Josh. I am in my 40s, married with three kids, and I am having an affair with the greatest love of my life, Len.

  Please do not judge me, even at my age, I am still confused and currently lost on what to do. Len and I were sweethearts back in high school and when her parents interfered with our relationship our love story was cut short. Ours was the type that you see in movies and teleserye. Pretty, smart, super rich girl who fell in love with an ordinary boy.

  When her parents asked me to stay away from their daughter, or else they will disown Len and they will make our lives miserable, sinunod ko sila. Being 16 years old then, naniwala ako na kaya nilang gawin sa amin ‘yun at ayoko magsuffer si Len so I stayed away at ‘di na nagpakita sa kanya. We lost communication after graduation. She left our province for college. But God knows how much I love her at kahit bata pa ako noon alam ko na siya ‘yung gusto ko pakasalan and I was looking forward to the day that I can see her again.

  For years, I regularly drive my bike to pass by their house hoping to see her. Pero even fate conspires against us. We finished college, she is now a doctor and based in Manila. I am a nurse and staying here in Singapore with my family. She is also now married with three kids as well. In 2013, we got connected again via Facebook but nothing more than a simpleng kumustahan. Pero DJ Chloe, mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya. Last December 2015, 25 years after I last saw her, I asked her to meet me when I went home for vacation. And she agreed and that confirmed that my feelings for her hasn’t changed all throughout the years. And she also feels the same. She blames me for walking out on her, she blames me for being the reason kaya hindi kami nagkatuluyan.

  Last December, was also the start of our affair. I asked her to leave her family and be with me as I was also planning to leave mine to be with her but she refused with her children as the reason for her to stay. She did not love her husband anymore. Naiintindihan ko ‘yun kaya I did not insist. Kuntento na ako sa long distance affair namin. Pero DJ Chloe, I cannot live lying to my wife that I am having an affair, I wanted to tell her that I love Len more than her. I am planning to come out clean and tell my wife that I wanted to be out sa marriage namin. However, when I told Len about my plan, pinipigilan niya ako saying I should think of my children who will get hurt the most sa isang broken family. Na isipin ko muna daw ang mga anak ko before ang para sa amin. And she even threatened na if I ever leave my family, ‘di na siya magpapakita sa akin. And I believe her. Please, help. Ayoko na magsunungaling sa asawa ko. At lalong ayoko mawala si Len sa buhay ko. I suffered 25 years na nawala siya sa akin. Ayoko nang maulit pa ‘yun.

  P.S. Pasensya na sa mahabang letter, this is my “dummy” accountt (baka mabasa kasi ng wife ko).

  Josh

  Dear Josh,

  No matter how much you justify what you are doing, what you are into, you are still very wrong about this and you are hurting not only yourself but your very own family. And Len’s children and husband.

  Ang dami, no? Don’t you bad feel about it? Sana nagkakilala kayo ni Len parehas kayong hiwalay, maiintindihan ko pa. Pero hindi eh. You both saw each other again at a time when there’s actually nothing you can both do.

  I think the mere fact na hindi kayo nagkatuluyan is a clear indication that you are not meant for each other.

  I can understand that the parents driving you away, parehas kayong minor. But what happened after college graduation? When you were both working and you being single? If you were so aching for her, why in hell did you not do everything to find her? If you were not able to move on from her then why on earth did you take someone else for a wife and made her the mother of your kids only to make her miserable? I hate you for doing this to her because you know what, she doesn’t deserve you! She could have found someone else or ended with someone else who would also love her the way you loved Len!

  You’re lucky, you are using a dummy account. If I can only chat with you I will put some sense into your greasy head!

  Yes, come out clean. Tell your wife. But before you do something like that look at the faces of your children, long and hard. They are, AND WILL BE the casualties of your madness. Should you continue doing this?

  Love is good you know but I don’t see any goodness out of this love of yours but selfishness.

  May God be with you.

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