Choose for Yourself

November 24, 2015

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

  I am a wife of an OFW and a mother of two. My husband has been working abroad for three years now, but he just had his vacation here last December. Basically, all’s well with us and with the LDR thing. But more than a month ago, I started to feel something weird. His number of calls within a day lessened until there were days that he will not call at all. I thought he was just busy with his work. But then it became worse that when we speak he would easily get mad and lose his temper over simple things. So I asked him what his problem is and he just said “Marami lang akong iniisip.” So I just let him be, thinking maybe he is just really stressed. But out of curiosity and gut-feeling, I tried to open his Facebook account and checked on his private messages. There I saw messages with different people during those times that he was not calling or trying to communicate with me. Also I saw a picture he posted that he was not already wearing our wedding ring. So I panicked, but I don’t have the guts to ask him straight because I was afraid of what I might hear from him.

  But I cannot take it anymore. His pandededma and coldness is already hurting me. So I dropped the question. He said “Ako ‘yung biglang nagbago, hindi ko rin alam ang dahilan. Pero walang third party kaya wag kang mag-isip.” And he said it so easily as if he did not care about how I would feel. He even said that maybe we could be friends for now, and see what happens if we see each other again–if the feelings will come back!
  I mean, how is that even possible, after ten years of being married all of a sudden he fell out of love? I felt like I was left hanging. And I am thinking, I cannot be friends with him because I was so hurt.

  Dj Chloe, I just want some advice on how I can be friends with someone who said he fell out of love with me? I believe I am way too old for the drama, if it was never meant after all then so be it. But I cannot think of a decent way on how I am going to explain this to my kids and even the people who know us. I just want to continue with my life without hurting anymore, is that possible?

  Thanks for your time. God bless!

  Melissa

   

  Hi Melissa,

  First, don’t force yourself to be friends with someone like your husband because you can’t be friends with someone who has betrayed you. And you can’t be friends with someone who has hurt you, okay?

  You’re right. You’re no longer young for this kind of drama and if there are people worthy of an explanation from you it’s just your kids. Just tell them matter-of-factly that things are not the same any more between you and their father and it’s not their fault. You may not be together but you both will still be their parents (only that this time I am sure ikaw na lang ang magpapaka magulang). As to your friends, no need to let them find out and let them ask him instead of you.

  Your husband is under the spell of someone else. Spell that’s casted in between the legs probably of some woman he met somewhere, maybe or maybe not.

  And it’s not your fault. The only fault you have I believe is allowing him to be away from you. But of course, he is your husband and you trust him to know his priorities enough. But sadly, men when left to their own devices drift away. Malulungkutin sila eh. Bihira ang ‘di makatiis ng walang babae.

  As to your question, “I just want to continue with my life without hurting anymore, is that possible?” Of course it is. Take consolation from this, God takes away certain people in our lives, because He believes we are far better without them.

  God knows and sees what’s happening to you. Anchor your life on Him. As for revenge, there’s no need for that. The best revenge is to let him be. Let him realize what he has lost and how is that possible? Pick yourself up and do everything you can to be the best mother. Make something out of yourself and rise from this stronger than ever.

  Time will come he will realize what he has done to you and your kids. And when that time comes he will realize he did not destroy you, he only destroyed himself.

   

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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