Does it feel right?

October 27, 2015

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  Dear Chloe,

  I want to hear your advice on this: I have ended the affair of my husband to a 20 year old girl. I have discovered that they were living together for few months already and even confronted them in their “pugad” but I never stayed there for long because I can’t stand staying there any longer. I decided right away that our marriage is over but my husband begged for forgiveness. He even knelt down on his knees just so I forgive him. I forgave him but I asked him to just get out of my life but he doesn’t want to go. He wants us to be  together again for our 3 kids. After it, I gave him another chance, now my sister and brother are mad at me and we’re living in my parents’ house. Right now I still have some moments of paranoia, especially if I recall the affair but my husband reassures that it will not happen again. I just feel sad because the forgiveness I gave him cost me miscommunication and even anger from my siblings. What shall I do? I  miss my brother and sister but I feel a sort of “pagtatampo” sa kanila because of all the bad things they have told me because I chose to accept and forgive my husband. But to tell you the truth, I do love my husband and I felt so devastated when I found out about the affair. Tama ba na tinanggap ko sya ulit? Ayoko magalit mga kapatid ko sa akin and also nandoon rin ung takot ko na baka hndi pa pala tapos. AS IN SUPER TAPOS and baka maulit ulit. Napapraning na naman ako.

   

  Mrs. M

  HI Mrs M,

  The paranoia is normal. Your husband betrayed your trust by having an affair is the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL in a marriage. I cannot blame you for accepting him back into your life, maybe you want a family that’s intact, and I commend you for that. But accepting him back means trading off your peace of mind. Trust takes a lifetime of proving, you know and once lost it’s not something you can easily get back. You decided to take him back so with it comes the risk of being betrayed again, God forbid. I hope he won’t do it again to you. I do not know what to say to help you trust him again. If I have a potion that would allow anyone to forget and erase betrayals and the pain it leaves in our hearts I would have advertised it a long time ago and I will have thousands of clients that’s for sure; with all the letters on Chloe’s Inbox that talks about the same problem as yours. Your siblings are on your side, I’m sure. They just probably cannot also accept the fact na ginanyan ang kapatid nila at masakit sa pamilya ang ganyan lalo sa magulang natin na malaman nilang niloko ang anak nila, ang kapatid nila at for sure doble ang sakit sa kanila niyan. You just have to talk to them and maybe let them know that you can handle it and that kaya mong panindigan ang decisions mo. Ikaw naman kamo ang makikisama sa asawa mo hindi naman sila. Tell them you’re doing it because you believe your husband deserves a second chance. Sana lang hindi ka nagkamali sa pag bigay ng second chance. Some men, when they know they have been forgiven, thinks that they can get away with it again. They once did, they can again. Tama bang tinaggap mo siya ulit? As I always say, if it doesn’t feel right then it’s probably wrong. Does it feel right to you? If it does, then why are you questioning your own decision?

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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