Never underestimate men

September 25, 2015

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

  This situation is really bothering me that I cry myself to sleep. I’m a single mom. My ex-partner and I broke up because, maybe, we began to take things for granted. Everything is not really in its proper place. Just like when we decided to move in a small apartment with our only son. Our first months were fine until I found out that my partner was hooked in gambling. I was just shocked with his overflowing debt. I was the one carrying the problems of paying it. As in everything. Until one day he just didn’t go home. The last time we talked he said that he’ll stay with his uncle near his office for the meantime to lessen our expenses for transportation. But after a week he’s not yet updating and I was worried. I seek help from my in-laws and went to their house. To my surprise, I saw him there sleeping. I freaked out in anger because his parents knew that he left us without money and food. That’s why every meal time my child and I go to my parents’ house. Until he said the truth that he’s not into me anymore because I always reprimand him every time he’s home. I wasn’t speaking too much to him because I don’t want us to argue. Seriously, I feel like we were abandoned.

  My parents are also mad at him and they decided that we live in our province because they’re sending me to school again. They are aiming that I get a good job when I graduate so I can give to my son everything that his dad didn’t give. Four months have passed a new love came into my life. What I know is I already love him. He’s the perfect opposite of my ex-boyfriend. I am happy with him not until my ex-boyfriend started reaching out again. I don’t know why. I don’t know why and I know it’s wrong but it seems that he’s still the one I’m looking for. I asked him if he still loves me and if it’s still me. And he replied and said yes, it’s still me. He even said that he never thought of being attached to other girls. He’s just working and hoping that someday he’ll have us again and give us a good life. I felt guilty because he thought of that while all along I gave up and found a better one. I never thought that the better person for me is still in the person of my ex-boyfriend.

  I wrote a letter to ask you how will I tell my present boyfriend that I still love my ex-boyfriend? He’s too nice to get hurt. For now, I am trying not to reply to his personal messages because guilt is crawling in me. I don’t want to cheat on both of them but I just can’t find my way out.

  Ms. Guilty

  Ms. Guilty,

  Do you really have to choose? I hope you can also include “being alone” in one of your choices. Just because you have a child with him, doesn’t mean you have to be with him. First, you are under no obligation because you’re not married to him. Do you want to endure his addiction to gambling? Do you want to see it happen every day while you’re together? Do you think you can change him? Do you know how much a rehab for gambling would cost? Milyones, hija. If you don’t have millions there’s no way you can get him into rehab. Gambling is a disorder if not a condition, especially if it already affects relationships, finances, as per our chat conversation noon pa nagsusugal na siya, ‘di ba? What makes you think he will change when you decide to go back to him? It’s a risk you have to take, and if you want a life in hell, go ahead. With the other man, wala akong masasabi except sayang kung talagang mabuti siyang tao para sa inyo ng anak mo. You can stay away from both and live a clean slate and be on your own. You don’t necessarily have to choose. You’re lucky you have your parents to send you back to school again. THAT IS THE BEST OPTION TO TAKE. Good luck.

  -Chloe

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