Pray for Change

October 21, 2015

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  Dear Dj Chloe,

  I wrote just to enlighten my mind. I am so depressed and stressed. Hide my identity please. I just want to seek help and some advice. I’m one of your avid listeners. My problem is my mom. Since I was a child I always feel that she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t treat me as part of the family. I always feel like an outcast. She doesn’t care what I feel and she doesn’t also listen to my point of view. She’s very close minded and doesn’t accept any suggestions and explanations coming from me. I feel so tired of her. She always makes me feel and treats me so stupid. But since I have no choice when I was a child, I just stay with her and almost every day of my life I just only cry. I don’t know where to go. So every time I have a problem with her I just cry. Because she doesn’t even allow me to have friends. That’s why I only have few friends and those few friends of mine are afraid of her. When someone visits our house, she always says that I’m not at home. She doesn’t entertain and accept my visitors. I feel like she wanted me to be like her because she’s not a friendly type of person. She doesn’t have any friends, even in our neighborhood. She’s a homebody type of person which was also my dad’s observation. That’s why she doesn’t know the word “pakikisama”. And now that I already have my own family, my husband and my daughter are the only people in this word that makes me feel so happy and important, they complete me. I’m happy and blessed to have them because without them I don’t know where to go.

  My husband is the only person in this world who made me feel so important. But the problem is since I was the youngest child already died a year ago, I have no choice but to accept the responsibility to take care of my mom because no one among my sister accepted the responsibility. Their reason is that they have their own family already and they are living far away. But after all, she’s still my mom and I still love her despite of everything. I tried my best to understand her, I really humbled myself to her, but it didn’t really work. The problem still remains. She’s so bad to me. Her attitude is very manipulative, she’s always right and doesn’t care about our feelings. She always makes me feel so stupid in front of my husband and daughter. That’s why I always cry every time my daughter sees my mom’s attitude towards me. My daughter complains already that she’s doesn’t have a peaceful home anymore. My husband is also affected. I know he feels so sad and stressed every time he comes home from work. Seeing what’s happening inside our house, my husband understands me and respects my mom. Though sometimes I know he wants to leave. That’s actually one of my fears. What if my husband gets tired and leave me because of this?

  Last week, maybe I got so tired with my mom’s attitude I pushed her in the middle of our quarrel. It was the first time I did that and it wasn’t my intention and she pushed me to the limit. I cried after that but I didn’t feel guilty because after all of these years I know this is the only time that I set myself free from her. This is the only time that I expressed what I really feel. I know she’s my mom but she doesn’t respect me and my family. But I’m thinking if am my right or wrong. I left the house for a while then because I want to enlighten my mind. I have no peace at all. Hope you can give me some advice. Thanks!

  Karylle

  PS. People thinks I’m a happy but I must admit that I am really broken inside. I have no peace at all. I cry always. I hope you can give me a piece of your advice. This will be a big help, I want to be enlightened. Sorry if my letter is too long. I just want to voice it out. Thanks.

   

  Dear Karylle,

  I am so speechless. I just feel like I only wanted to hug you right now. Does your mother know that none of your siblings want to take on or even share the responsibility of taking care of her? I think you should let her know. Did you ever talk to her and told her what you feel? And told her how she have made you feel in the past years? We can never choose our parents, who our mother will be. But despite of her being such to you, please respect her for she is your mother. And if not for her you will not be in this world. I do not really know why she’s like that. I hope I have the answers to your questions. I never found in your letter any goodness she has done for you. Wala kang nasabi kung ‘di puro kasamaan niya, sobra ba talagang masama ang nanay mo? Would it be possible to just not argue with her anymore? And just let her have her way? How come your siblings do not even bother to talk to her about her attitude to you? And yet they all decided to leave her to you? Ask for the help of your close relatives, to talk to her and find out why she is like that to you. Did you even ask her why she treats you that way? I am worried for you own family. Pray hard for change. It may sound cliché but only God can change a person 360 degrees. And pray for patience she is your mother, don’t forget that.

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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