Silence is Betrayal

November 12, 2015

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

  I just want to ask, I’m a 28 year-old man with 2 kids (one boy and one girl). I am also married for 6 years now and my wife is in Qatar  for 2 years and came home for vacation last month. I have a decent job as a manager in a restaurant. My story started when my wife left 2 years ago. I had a relationship with a younger girl. I was then 26 and she was 21. Actually, ayoko payagan ‘yung asawa ko umalis pero nagpumilit siya. That time, wala pa akong relasyon sa isa. Nag-aasikaso siya ng mga papeles niya ng hindi ko alam. To cut the story short, after she left, ‘yun na nga at nagkaro’n ako ng relasyon. We were together for 1 year. While we were together, madalas kami mag-away ng wife ko. Hindi ko siya kinakausap kasi nga ang reason ko ayoko ng nandoon siya sa ibang bansa. So for me, speaking with her means supporting her sa pag-alis niya. Until nabuntis ko ‘yung karelasyon ko. We decided to part ways because we know it can’t be us talaga. Right now, I support her financially. No one knows about us and what happened.

  Last month, dumating ‘yung wife ko from Qatar. Almost 1 year  kami hindi nag-usap. So ‘yung feelings ko nu’ng makita ko siya sa airport was very neutral. Hanggang sa makauwi kami sa bahay. Pero the next day, I tried mag-aya sa kanya na lumabas with the kids, to bond at mamasyal. So bumalik ‘yung pagiging okay namin after that bonding time.

  Okay na sana until the last night na aalis na siya. I borrowed her phone, kasi makikitext ako, I was shocked with what I saw. A man was sending her a message from Viber. Calling her “honey”, asking her “how are you honey?” and in fact, the guy knows when my wife will arrive in Qatar. In fairness, my wife do not reply to the messages, and also I discovered that she’s been into restaurants without even telling me. Ni hindi niya kinuwento sa’kin while nandito siya. After reading all the messages, galit na galit ako, pero pinigilan ko sarili ko na magalit pa lalo kasi alam kong aalis na siya. At ayoko siyang iconfront kasi baka hindi ko mapigilan sarili ko masaktan ko pa siya. So hinayaan ko muna at sabi ko na lang paglapag niya ng Qatar dun ko siya kakausapin. Hinatid pa namin siya ng anak kong lalaki sa airport. So after waiting for 9 hours, nakita ko na naka online na siya. I started the confrontation. All she did was deny, pero nararamdaman ko, there’s something dahil hindi niya ako masagot ng maayos. Right now, hindi niya ako nirereplyan sa Facebook at hindi niya ulit ako pinapansin. Napakasakit dahil I believe, I deserve an explanation. GUSTO KO IPAGTANGGOL NIYA SARILI NIYA SA’KIN. Pero dahil sa ginagawa niya parang inamin na din niya na may nagawa siya sa’kin.

  Dj Chloe, what should I do? I was planning to confront her family kasi gusto ko ng peace of mind. If ever may nagawa siya sa’kin hindi ko kayang magpatawad sa ganung dahilan. Mahal na mahal ko ang asawa ko. Kahit nag karon ako ng relasyon sa iba siya pa rin ang mahal ko. Kaya ako nasasaktan. Maybe this is my karma. If ever may nagawa nga siya. I’m planning na makipag hiwalay. Then after, I think, ayoko na mag-asawa. My wife will be the last girl na mamahalin ko. Magiging unfair ako sa ibang babae kung makikipag relasyon ulit ako. So I think, it’s better for me to be alone.

  Mr. Naytskrim

   

  Hi, Mr. Naytskrim

  You love her so much? So much that you decided to have a relationship with another girl while she was away and what’s worse, got her pregnant? Is that how much you love her? She wanted to work abroad and you didn’t want to let her. I can understand that men, I believe, cannot live without women (I know I will get a lot of violent reactions hahaha) and I strongly believe that couples (husbands and wives) as much as possible should always be together because if not things like this can happen. Iba kasi kapag magkalayo eh. You both became vulnerable to all kinds of “danger”. Sana, sir, sinuportahan mo na lang muna si ma’am sa gusto niyang pag trabaho abroad. Kasi kaming mga babae, before we became mothers and wives nakapag-aral kami at may mga kakayahan kaming makatulong sa ika-uunlad ng pamilya namin. Even if you have a good job and you can very much provide, it doesn’t guarantee that you will have a good job forever and you can forever provide. Nagtutulungan ang mag-asawa. Another is nakakahiya naman na ultimong pambili ng napkin ihihingi pa namin sa inyo ‘di ba? But then wala na eh, nangyari na ang mga hindi sana nangyari. You feel and you have decided that you can’t forgive her if may lalaki siya, why? Forgivable ba ang pambababe mo habang wala siya? At inanakan mo pa? Just because no one knows about it doesn’t mean you’re already pardoned. “Character is what you are when no one’s looking.”

  Sir, if I may remind you because of the string of events that happened your wife working abroad without your consent you will probably say na dahil dun kaya ka nambabae. Given siguro nakatagpo din siya ng ‘supportive” sa mga plano niya sa buhay like you nakahanap ng ibang “asawa” habang wala siya. I am sad that things have gone south for both of you na p’wede sanang hindi nangyari if only you both talked openly about your plans. Your wife is denying? You should be happy about it. It means she doesn’t want to hurt you like hell. Mas ikakabaliw mo kung inamin pa siguro sa’yo. That only means wala na siyang pakialam sa pakiramdam mo. Miscommunication, no communication, pride sure killers of not only marriage but relationships. Whether or not she really did something wrong, contemplate on forgiving . You both did something detrimental to your marriage and you both are responsible for the outcome and you are both responsible as to whether you will fix it or not.

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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