When I’m Alone

November 26, 2015

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  Hi Dj Chloe,

  It’s been four months since I made it a habit listening to your program. Your thoughts and opinions really strike not only on my mind but in the inner part of my soul. My stories goes like this:

  I’m Marriane Maglinao, 32, married with two lovely children. Way back 2010 after three years of marriage, I became the worst woman I’d been. I learned to cheat, betrayed not only my husband but my kids as well that led to separation where in I chose the man I thought would love me the way I love him.

  Unfortunately, this man is also married but I accepted him since he really made me feel that he really don’t love his wife. Pikot lang daw ang nangyari and his wife also admitted it every time na nagte-text ako sa kanya. But those years with him, Dj Chloe, really traumatized me. Umaasa lang pala ako sa mga pangako. Dahil for years palagi kahati ko ang pamilya niya. Dahil sana kung talgang walang nangyari at hindi niya mahal asawa niya bakit hindi niya ako nagawang piliin?

  Napakasakit sa’kin. Aside sa ganoong situwasyon niya, Dj Chloe, he is the most pervert man I’ve known. Hindi siya marunong makuntento dahil almost 50 times ko ata siyang nahuhuling may babae.

  ‘Yung iba personal ko pa nakakausap dahil kapag nahuhuli ko siya sa mga text, tine-text ko at inaaway ko ang mga babae niya. Eventually I’d meet them personally at paaminin ko if something happened between them. And the answer is always a big yes. ‘Di ko alam ang problema saken dahil I’ve been the most martyr woman na ata. At kapag nalalaman ko how he cheated on me. Madali niya ako napapaamo ulit. One kiss and I’ll forget everything.

  Sobrang nawala tiwala at respeto ko sa sarili ko and the way he treated me marahil nagdala sa’kin para hindi respetuhin at mahalin sarili ko. Karma on my part na rin siguro ang nangyari. Love that turn into obsession and desperation. Ang dami kong sumbat sa kanya, Dj Chloe. I always made him guilty on what happened in my life after choosing him over my husband who’s financially stable. Ang daming nawala sa’kin. I invested on him for him not to leave me. Natuto akong dumiskarte para mabuhay at maibigay ang pangangailangan hindi lang niya kundi ng mga anak at asawa niya.

  After having hellish life with him, one day nauntog na lang ako at sinabi ko sa sarili ko na tama na. And when I decided to leave him, he didn’t do any effort to win me back. Kaya mas naging masakit para sa’kin. Naging talunan ako sa pagmamahal ng taong sinamba ko ng apat na taon. After months of being apart from my boyfriend, my ex husband texted me asking for a favor na bumalik na ‘ko sa kanila ng mga anak ko because he can’t take care of our kids anymore. He had some kind of illness. Now I’m here with my children and husband and we’re not talking about the past after we got separated. Nagkaroon din siya ng girlfriends. Masaya ‘ko, Dj Chloe. But still, my heart really belongs dun sa ex ko. Minsan ngate-text siya and he wants me back, namimiss daw niya pag-aalaga ko. But it’s too late dahil masaya na’ko buuin ulit ang pamilya ko para sa mga anak ko. And this is what I want to ask for advice, Dj Chloe. Four months na ‘ko dito sa husband ko and he is really begging to make love with me pero hndi ko kaya, Dj Chloe. Maayos naging usapan namin noon na para lang sa mga anak ko pagbalik ko. But he is demanding. More than that, minahal niya na daw ulit ako. What will I do? Matagal na din kasi kami naghiwalay and I must admit hindi ko na siya mahal. Nandito ako para sa mga anak ko at ibalik sa kanila ‘yung pagmamahal ng isang ina na nawala sa kanila ng apat na taon dahil sa pagiging makasarili ko. Nagiging big issue na sa husband ko at nagiging simula ng pagtatalo namin. Regarding with my ex boyfriend, do you think there’s a perfect time for us? O dapat ko na siyang kalimutan? Thank you for your advice.

  Marriane

   

  Hi Marriane!

  It seems you don’t have a clear understanding of what love and life and your purpose is all about.

  I don’t blame you for being so passionate with the other man, maybe other than love, mas babae ang naging pakiramdam mo sa kaniya. Masyado kang naaliw ni kuya dahil player siya and he knows how to play the game where it’s him who is sure to win.

  But the way I see it, the basis of your relationship is purely physical, since you said that this man is the most pervert you’ve known.

  Marrianne, hindi ka pa ba pagod? Physical relationship? It fades when you start to age. But what is important in this life is to find a person who will love you and respect you and be with you with or without physical intimacy.

  You have said a lot and enough and went through a lot already na nakakapagod nang isipin at balikan ‘di ba? Ibaon mo na sa limot and start from scratch, from what’s left of you. You have your kids.

  As to your question, may perfect time para sa inyo ng ex-boyfriend mo na isinugal mo buong buhay mo. Yes, pag parehas na kayo BALO. Or if not gawin ninyong legal ang pag sasama niyo. You both file an annulment and marry each other. So my answer will be, YES, DAPAT MO NA SIYANG KALIMUTAN. In the first place, hindi mo siya dapat pinakialaman dahil may asawa ka na at mga anak ‘di ba?

  Now with regards to your husband, he will really expect that things will be the same between the two of you because asawa ka niya. Sana hindi ka na lang bumalik sa kaniya o sa poder niya, p’wede ka naman maging INA sa mga anak mo ng hindi kayo magkasama ‘di ba? Find your own place. Get a job. Get your kids or share responsibility with your husband in raising your kids. Minsan kaya nalululong ang babae sa lalaki at nalilimas dahil wala kang pinagkakaabalahan. Baka wala kang trabaho? Maybe find a career to divert your attention, focus on making something out of yourself. Focus on making money, minsan mas okay pang walang lalaki basta may pera.

  Life is not complicated but you keep complicating it dahil palaging emosyon ang basis mo sa lahat ng desisyon mo. Subukan mo kayang paganahin ang isip mo at subukang gawin ano ang tama?

  At ano ang tama? Subukan mong mag-isa. You don’t need any of the two men. What you need is for you to find yourself and what you want and what matters most to you.

   

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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