When the wrong person walks out the right one walks in

October 19, 2015

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  Dear Dj Chloe,

  I’m not really sure if I want this story of mine to be aired but I really want to hear some advice from other people’s point of view. I’m 22 and in a relationship with a married man. But! Before you all go berserk on me hear me out first. I had this perfect relationship back then until my ex decided to end our relationship without any explanation. I was crushed. I thought I’m not going to love again. But then this man came along as broken as me. We actually work in the same company but I didn’t really notice him since I was in a committed relationship then. And I branded myself as a “one man woman”.

  He’s married and has a child but no longer lives with them. The reason according to him was that the wife cheated on him. But before I started seeing him I didn’t know that he’s married; I knew that he has a child. I asked him then if he was married to his child’s mother but he denied it. So I went on with our relationship. The “wife” then was working overseas so I really thought that they’re not married because I didn’t see nor hear him talking to her.

  Fast forward: I learnt that he’s married and decided to end my relationship with him. But I was so into him when he told me their situation and I believed him. I stalked on his wife’s Facebook account and knew that she blocked him in her account. I got curious and browsed through her photos and statuses. I saw some photos of her and a guy, though it wasn’t intimate. You’d know just by looking at it that there’s more than just friendship between them and the fact that she blocked her “husband” in her account made me think of some malicious thoughts too. I know this man I am with now is still in love with his wife. Don’t ask me how I know because I just know. I feel it. It hurts of course but I love him. So I did something stupid.

  I tried to talk to the wife. Told her that she must hear her husband out and try to appreciate his efforts at attempting to save their marriage. I told her I was doing that because I want to see him happy and that he is his happiness. But then she gave a different meaning to what I said. She said that I could keep her husband because she’s tired of him. I asked her if she still love him. She said I didn’t have the right to ask. But I told her it’s her that he wants and that he wants to rebuild their family amongst all things. In the end she told me she doesn’t care anymore whatever he does because she already thought of him as dead and that she’s going to file an annulment.

  The husband, even hurt, didn’t stop to take his family back. He said if she doesn’t really want them to get back together then he can’t really do anything. After some time, the wife started calling our office to seek help because she wants us to get fired! I didn’t steal her husband she willingly gave him as if he’s just some puppy! I tried to help to get them back together. I want this man’s happiness because I love him. Yes, I love him. I know it’s wrong but what can I do, really? I just feel that she’s putting all the blame on me and her husband so she could get along with her own infidelities. Because all those years that she was overseas, she never tried to reach his husband as a wife. Not just the lack of communication but also the lack of affection even when she already came back. The question here is what should I/we do now, Dj Chloe? I love him to death and I feel that he loves me too but I know we can’t really be together. But I can’t just leave him because I’ll give him another heartbreak. I don’t want to hurt him the same way his wife did. Tell me Dj Chloe, what should I do? What do you think of the wife blocking him on Facebook and not talking to him when she was away?

  Sincerely,

  Ms. Stress

   

  Dear Ms. Stress,

  I hope you now know and you are now very much aware that the STRESS you’re getting for getting involved with a married man is not at all worth it. You are only 22 years old, you will still meet a lot of men. Most of them will meet your standards, most will not. So don’t ever feel like your first relationship (the guy who left you for no reason) is the best. When people walk out of our lives they make way for the right one to walk in. But! God will never send you someone who’s married. Maybe you’ll bump into someone who’s annulled or separated but I am pretty sure the right man will make everything right for you. I think you have a “Messiah Complex”. You can’t be saving this guy and his marriage.  Another is he lied to you. He said he’s never married. But you found out he was, that led you to finding out certain things about his married life. Ask yourself, do you seriously want to be a part of their circus? Sure you love him? But does he love you enough to fight for what you both have? He has moved on from his wife and the wife said you can have him as she is tired of him already? Wow, how about you? Are you not tired yet? I think you already are, sweetheart. You’re only 22, same age as my eldest daughter. As a mother, I would never want my daughter to have a problem like this. Don’t trade your youth for a man who seems to not have any back bone. And who seems to be so complicated. I understand you already love him “to death”–so much that you even went your way talking to the wife trying to fix them. Here’s the news, you can never fix their marriage. Continue what you have with him and you end up complicating your own life. Break away from him and you’ll do yourself a favor. ” The question here is what should I/we do now, Dj Chloe? I love him to death and I feel that he loves me too but I know we can’t really be together. But I can’t just leave him because I’ll give him another heartbreak. I don’t want to hurt him the same way his wife did.” WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU WILL GIVE HIM THE SAME HEARTBREAK? DOES HE LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS HE LOVES HIS WIFE? ” Tell me Dj Chloe, what should I do?” WALK AWAY, FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. “What do you think of the wife blocking him on Facebook and not talking to him when she was away?” SHE DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM ANYMORE. AND YOU JUST GAVE HER A GOOD REASON TO MAKE IT EASY FOR HER TO DRIVE HIM AWAY FOR GOOD.

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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