You Don’t Need a Guy

November 9, 2015

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

  I really need an advice right now. I had a six year relationship with someone. Throughout those years we were able to weather storms together. Kaya nga po akala ko siya na talaga. In fact we started planning for our future. But at the middle of this year something tragic happened to our relationship. He confessed that he fell out of love to me and he wanted a breakup. I was so devastated, my world crumbled to the point na naapektuhan ang work ng mama ko just to check on me dahil natatakot siyang magsuicide ako.

  Days after the breakup nalaman ko na may iba na pala siyang nililigawan and the girl seems to like him too. Lalo lang ako nasaktan ng sobra, nagmakaawa ako na bumalik siya sa’kin. I even asked the girl to leave him at mgparaya na lang sakin, which she declined kasi may nararamdaman na din daw siya para sa ex ko. Sobrang sinagad ko ‘yung respeto ko sa sarili ko at nasaid na. And to make things even worst, a week after the breakup I found out that I was pregnant. That did it. Hindi pumayag parents ko na hindi niya ko panagutan. So he ended up marrying me kahit ayaw niya. The next day after the wedding, lumipad na siya abroad. A month right after pa bago kami nakapag usap ulit. This time inayos na namin. Nagsorry kami sa isa’t isa at nagkapatawaran. Nagstart kaming mag-usap ulit. He often tells me that he misses my love. Dahil first time niya mag-abroad at grabe ‘yung pagka-homesick niya.  Tapos ‘yung girlfriend niya kasi is a very busy person since nag-aaral at nagwo-work at the same time. So I ended up, comforting him. Nung una umaasa ako na marealize niya ‘yung worth ko at bumalik siya sa’kin. And yes, he did realize my worth. Mahal niya pa daw ako but not the way he did before. ‘Yung love niya sa’kin is just gratitude sa mga nagawa ko para sa kaniya. He said he wasn’t sure if may tao pang magmamahal sa kanya sa paraang ginawa ko. But still, ‘yung dating pagmamahal niya sa’kin ay nauwi nalang sa pagpapahalaga dun sa bond na naipon namin in six years. but now what I want is just to be able to move and let him be with the other gir.. So I talked to his girl, nakipag-ayos, I confirmed her feelings at sinabing ‘wag n’yang iwan ang ex ko, which happened to be my husband. Anyway, willing na naman ako magpa-annul kung gusto nila. For awhile I felt peace na natanggal na ‘yung samaan ng loob. My problem now is my own feelings. Yes, I still love him, I’m still hurting. I couldn’t stop caring. That is why I asked the girl kung talagang mahal niya. Feeling ko kasi pag okay na sila, I have nothing to look back on and I can go mind my own life. Kaya lang, hindi ko magawang iwasan si ex. I feel so guilty, hindi kasi maganda ang sitwasyon niya sa ibang bansa. He doesn’t like his job and his work mates’ attitudes. Tapos kapos siya sa atensyon sa bago nyiang mahal. I feel guilty na ‘yung pinaghihirapan niya dun ipinapadala niya sa’kin lahat dito kasi maselan ako magbuntis so I can’t work. And my father was sick kaya hindi ko din maiasa sa kanila. Besides, I’ve given them so much pain for what I did para umasa pa din sa kanila at my age, 22 na ‘ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. I don’t want to be stuck here na minamahal pa din siya kahit may mahal na siyang iba. Pero hindi ko naman siya basta kayang iwasan. Lagi niya sinasabi na ako na lang daw ang nakakausap niya tapos iiwasan ko pa siya. Ano po bang dapat kong gawin na makakabuti para sa aming lahat? Nahihirapan po kasi ako, pag nakakausap ko siya lagi. How can I lose the feelings? I’ve made mistakes pero pinipilit ko naman pong itama na ang mga desisyon ko ngayon. By the way, I just want to clear things out. Sa kasal lang po siya napilitan. Pero ‘yung sa baby, tinanggap niya po ‘yung responsibility. It’s just that pa-abroad na kasi siya kaya naniguro na ang parents ko. Thank you, DJ Chloe.

  Seychelles

   

  Dear Seychelles,

  I hope there are parents reading this. 2016 na po ‘di na uso na pagnabuntis ang anak niyo ay kailangan pilitin ang lalaking panagutan ang anak niyo. It will actually do more harm than good. In this case, ang problema ngayon annulment na naman. Seychelles, you just created a string of pearls but I can’t blame you. You’re only 22 and for me, you are such a baby to be in this kind of mess. At 22 you should be enjoying your life, working, spending, partying, travelling, meeting people, these are the things you have forfeited for “love”.

  You worry too much about this guy. His job, his welfare, his relationship with his girl friend. Does he even worry about you? Is he even miserable or remorseful a bit for making you a mother without the intentions of making you a wife? Hija, it is imperative that we, as individuals, have an ample amount of love for ourselves before we even think of loving other people. It’s not selfish, it’s a necessity and in your case you have forgotten about yourself. You now have a child, your whole world should be focused on your child now, okay? Ang asawa, ineng, napapalitan ‘yan. Nahihiwalayan ‘yan. Pero ang anak mo, sa’yo ‘yan. Hindi ka ilalaglag niyan. You have said so much in your letter, talked about how much you love this man and how much you want him to be okay with his life, with his girlfriend. There is only so much you can do and to be perfectly honest, the more you keep yourself busy about them malalaman mo na lang matanda ka na para magsimula para sa sarili mo. So my answer to your question: “Ano po bang dapat kong gawin na makakabuti sa para sa aming lahat?” Tantanan mo na sila. Take care of your child go back to shool kung ‘di ka pa tapos or find a job to raise your child and make something out of yourself. Hindi lang sa pag-ibig nabubuhay ang tao, hija. May anak ka, may magulang ka, may sarili kang katawan at buhay. Stop living your life for other people. You may love him so much at 22 but believe me, your standards will change when your 32 and 42. And just as you have learned to love you can also learn to unlove.

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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