You Don’t Really Know What You’ve Got

October 13, 2015

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  Hello DJ Chloe.

  I’m a married woman. My husband has no vices and have been a very good provider. But for some medical suspicion we never had our intimacy kahit na mag-asawa na kami. He’s not gay but I just really don’t know why he doesn’t have that energy for me. Alam ko ibang usapan na ito. But let’s just say gano’n na lang muna. Then online, I added a certain guy on Facebook na kapareho ko ng work. I just added him kasi he is kind of prominent sa field namin. But I never contacted him not even liking or giving comments to his posts. But there is a time na I sent him a personal message on a certain work topic. He answered nicely and from then on napapansin ko na lang na he has become my ardent liker of my Facebook posts. Until he became more friendly sa chat, nakapalagayan ko siya ng loob, and we both admitted our current status. I know this is crazy but ‘yung longing ko to be desired or appreciated nagagawa niya. We both enjoyed our communication. Sabi niya wala naman kaming ginagawang masama. So I continued my friendship with him. Ang bilis kong na-fall sa kanya. Maski ako nagugulat sa sarili ko. But when he noticed na parang nai-inlove na ‘ko sa kanya he began to withdraw from our chat, he became distant. He said that he is attracted to me nu’ng ngkita kami for the first time but he said I’m scaring him dahil sa pinakita kong feelings for him. Yes, he literally told me that. And because of that lalo ko siyang pinursue praa ipaliwanag ‘yung sarili ko. Pero tuluyan na siyang lumayo. Imagine I’m sending him all explanations and all dramas online but he never answered back and became a total stranger. I’m so confused alam.kong mababaw ‘yung pinagsimulan namin pero bakit may ganung klaseng lalaki–na ang tapang manligaw pero kapag sinakyan mo na eh hindi naman alam kung pa’no magsabi ng “goodbye”. Now alam kong tapos na tapos na kami pero I feel unclosed kasi ‘di niya napakinggan paliwanag ko. Tell me, DJ Chloe, pa’no ba magmove on sa ganitong stupidity? Pag naiisip kong I fell desperately in love with a guy I met online, I feel cheap. Yet I miss him and I still want to see him. How will I ever forget him?

  Gemina

   

  Hi Gemina,

  Thank you for your letter. I think the reason why you fell for him in just a short span of time and thru his sweet words, is because you have a vacuum inside you that you long to be filled. You have a husband, although he is a good provider and all, you still long for an “intimate relationship”.

  I think you are still young kaya medyo hot blooded ka pa. Don’t get me wrong. I believe that women, like men, we also have physical needs and it’s very important that we are “in sync” so to speak with our partner. It’s is not easy to find a man with whom you are compatible in bed. It takes a lot of openness to be able to bear yourself, your soul, your desires, to a man.

  If you are older, I’m sure you will survive kahit walang intimacy. Marriage is not all sex and making love, you know. It’s also about companionship and what if there’s an absence of passion? May sakit at ‘di na magampanan? Iiwan na?
  The law provides, I believe a way out. Grounds for annulment yata ang hindi magampanan ang physical/sexual aspect sa marriage.

  Anyways, I’m not sure if talagang niligawan ka ng other guy. Baka naman he was being friendly lang. Maraming lalaki na ang namisinterpret dahil sa pagiging gentleman. Inalok ka lang ng upuan o ng tubig may gusto na sa’yo. He stopped being nice because he got scared of how strong you were coming on him? Then you should take it as saying “no” than further being tempted. So please, let him be. He has a family, a wife. Spare him. He probably realized the effort is not worth it, considering the stress if the wife finds out. And believe me, I have seen “other women” gets stressed out literally because nabuking ng asawa. It’s not worth the stress, iha. Baka ma-eskandalo ka pa? Can you take that?

  If you really want a solution to your problem, get your husband treated for his sexual dysfunction. If you don’t want and can’t handle it. Get out of the marriage and find or find out what will make you happy. Is it having a good husband and being well-provided for but not “sexually exciting union”? Or do you want a mind blowing sex every time you’re up for it but with a man who is nothing like how good your husband is in some aspect? Because believe me, you just can’t have it all. If you’re able to find one and have it all then you’re one damn lucky woman.

  My point Gemina is you don’t really know what you’ve got until you’ve lost it. Maybe there are unsatisfactory things on your marriage but you don’t go out looking for it elsewhere. You figure it out with your husband. And if really there’s no solution then get out of it. My point of view are all coming from the information you’ve told me. As I always say, there are always three sides of a story. Your version, his version, and the truth. Let it go, walang-wala kang pinaglalaban dito.

  Good luck,

  Chloe

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