You’ll Know

November 5, 2015

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

  Let me start my story saying that I am separated from my husband and he has our two kids. I just come over to visit my children. Until now, my husband still believes that we’re not separated. I’m an OFW but whenever I’m home I work in a call center then goes back abroad anytime I want. So in that case, I work in Manila and the kids are in the province. I never got myself involved with a man until recently someone caught my heart.

  It all started in Facebook. He is a seaman and we used to be neighbors. In fact, he is my ex-husband’s relative. We know each other, of course. Honestly, I was and still attracted to him, I just kept it to myself. Last June, we added each other on Facebook. Her daughter is my godchild and she’s our mutual friend. We were just friends on Facebook until he told me that he likes me even before. He showed his care by calling me every day while he’s still on high seas. He went home here in the Philippines on June 28 and he rented a room for two months where we meet once in a while until September.

  Rumors spread in our place but we always denied it. His brothers and sisters learned about us and are mad at me. It’s only his wife who doesn’t know it because no one dares to tell her until now. He has four kids, his wife is a teacher. He is on his fourth month now in the country and penniless. His wife got all his funds. One time I caught him texting one of his ex-girlfriends. I don’t get jealous with his wife but with other women I get furious. However, he told me that he has no other woman except me and his wife.

  Since he is penniless he asks money from me once in a while and promises to pay when he gets back to work. I give him money because I love him. But we argue all the time whenever I see him liking photos of other women on Facebook. His excuse would be it’s his niece or sister uses his cell phone and liking the images. I don’t believe him, so we argue. Then we don’t talk for days and weeks. Be he calls me again and kept on saying his excuses. So we started talking again only to find out that he’ll borrow money. But after that we fought again and he ignored me for two  solid weeks. Our argument was for the same reason, liking female photos on Facebook. But he called and borrowed money again. Same thing happened for the following weeks.

  Yesterday, I poured out all my bottled up emotions. I enumerated all his flaws. I even questioned if he loves me or not because he seldom tells me that. I told him that he changed a lot. He used to be sweet but seldom says “I love you”. And he doesn’t want me to go whenever I want a break up. Maybe he only needs me to finance him. I even shop for food and clothes for him. He just calls me if he wants to borrow money and when he gets it he doesn’t call again.

  The other day, he keeps on calling and I found out he just wants money. He just got the money this morning I sent him and I received no call all day. I tried break up with him but he said that he has no one else because they are of no use to him.

  He is in Bicol but every time he goes to Manila we meet in a hotel. It’s been like this for quite some time. I really don’t know if he loves me or not. Sometimes I feel it, other times I don’t. Do you think he is for real or just faking his feelings for me because he needs funds?

  Thanks,

  Bewildered Miss

   

  Dear Bewildered Miss,

  Wow… I was highly entertained by your lengthy letter and to tell you honestly, I am thinking what is it you want to ask from me. Is it an advice or an approval? Aren’t you tired yet? You buy his reasons that he is not the one liking the photos of the women on Facebook? There is never a mention in your letter that you feel remorseful of what you’re doing, of what you’re into. Your concern is whether he is real with you or not or he is just there because he has a financial need. How can he be real with you when he can’t even be real with his own wife? A man who cheats with you, will also cheat on you. And no matter what else he says, reasons for cheating on his wife, you don’t have the slightest idea if they’re true. No man, I guess, will tell you that he is cheating because he has a very good and noble wife. He will always say he was driven to do it because his wife is a nagger, his wife always asks for money, his wife is not good in bed so on and so forth. You know why they say that? So you’ll put your best foot forward and be the best mistress you’ll ever be. With regards to him asking money all the time, well maybe he thinks you’re an ATM. The moment he wants to withdraw, you will dispense and all he got to do is charm you. And well, make you happy inside the four corners of the room (sorry for my word). Dearest, a MAN who is into you, truly into you, will never ever bother you with money, at least. That is what I believe in. A man who is so capable of working but chooses to live and thrive in a woman’s sweat and blood is worse than a piece of dung. Your story actually is very common. I have talked/chatted with a few who are in the same situation as yours. And no matter what how much sense I try to put in their head it will never work for the simple reason that they are so head over heels in love (or maybe in lust). The answer to your question, as to whether he is real with you or not is actually in your letter.  “I tried break up with him but he said that he has no one else because they are of no use to him.”  He is with you because the others are no longer of use to him. So he has nothing to do with those whoever they are anymore. Wake up, girl. It’s already 2016.

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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