A letter to the person whom I have loved since I was 5

Troyka Lunar

June 18, 2021

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  It all started when I was young. I was 5 when I learned that your name was John, but I have already seen you many times before that. I have known you since that day, and I know I have loved you since then.

  You became my best friend when I was growing up. We did a lot of things together. We spent most of our time doing something that I wanted to do. I was always the boss. Nobody wanted to play games with me because I was a brat. But you were different. I can still remember throwing tantrums whenever I lose a game. So, you would always make yourself lose a game and make it appear like it’s as if I was always playing games better than you to make me feel better.

  You taught me a lot of things, and you gave me so much to remember. We became partners in crime. I remember how we would often hide from Mom because we messed up with something in our house.

  You were the most patient person I have ever known. I remember how I would always do something that you don’t like. I would get mad at you, but you always knew how to make me realize how disappointing my actions were. We would always fight, but we will never let the day pass without apologizing to each other.

  I have always thanked God that I have you in my life. I could never imagine my growing years spent without you. You promised that we will always stay that way.

  When I turned 18, you were the first person to wish me a happy birthday. During my party, you never left my side. Mom took a lot of pictures of us together. Towards the end of the night, you talked to me and told me something that I will never forget for the rest of my life.

  You said you were leaving.

  That was the most unforgettable birthday I have ever had in my entire life. It was both a mixture of happiness and sorrow. I didn’t understand. All I know is that you broke my heart on my birthday because you are breaking your promise that we will never grow apart.

  You were my best friend. You have always been there for me. We were at some point, inseparable. I am so used to living my life with you by my side that when you left, I didn’t know where to start.

  I had a hard time coping up. How can I live my life without you? You would always call me, but I was so mad at you that I didn’t even want to hear your voice. I wished that you would stop bothering me because I wanted to forget everything about you.

  Years have passed, and I still haven’t talked to you. It has been quite a while since you stopped reaching out to me. At some point, I regret that I cut you off. Because all those years, I have been longing for answers. I didn’t know what happened. Why did you leave? Why did you break your promise? You said you love me. Why did you throw everything away?

  I guess some questions won’t ever have an answer. And maybe these are a few of them. Nevertheless, I will always hope that someday, somehow, we will see each other again.

  As I end this letter, I want you to know that I still love you despite everything you did. You will always be my first and great love, and you are the only person my Mom has ever loved. If by chance you come across this letter, I want you to know that I love you. No matter how far this life may take me, I will always be my Daddy’s little girl; your little girl. I miss you, Dad. And I love you. Happy Father’s Day.

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