My last letter to the one who never saw me

Troyka Lunar

July 9, 2021

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  It all started in August of the year 2017. We were on an out-of-town trip with our friends. We just know each other, but in fact, we were not close. That was when I first noticed that you are somehow, cute. I can still remember putting on my shades, pretending to be out of my zone. But the truth is, I was just secretly staring at you.

  It was when I first saw how gentleman you are. You endured the struggle of having no backrest the entire trip despite your scoliosis so that our friend could sit comfortably. It was, in fact, favorable to me because we sat next to each other. You slept and your head was unintentionally on my shoulder the entire trip.

  It was when I first saw how respectful you are to your parents. We were on an island, and there was no signal the whole day. I can still remember the first thing that you did when we were on our way home. Your phone’s battery was empty, and you had to borrow a power bank so that you can update your dad on your whereabouts.

  And though I always see you around, that was the first time I have ever looked at you.

  Since that day, I have always tried to bring myself closer to you. I tried to penetrate your life, and I succeeded. I have always believed that it was my fate. It was fate that I slowly become a part of your inner circle.

  Then, I saw the other side of you. The side that you don’t usually let other people see. It was something beyond what I saw when I was just starting to get to know you.

  The happy crush eventually became the love of my life. I took care of you the best way I know how; From wiping your utensils during lunchtime to overseeing the things that you need every day. I looked after you even when sometimes, we are physically afar. I was genuinely happy because you let me take care of you; because you let me love you. Through the years, I loved you even more. I thought I was on the right track, but I guess I was wrong all along.

  I came to my senses and realized that I can’t force someone to look at something they don’t want to see. That sometimes, people will only look at you, but will never really look through you.

  I was always around your vicinity, but your eyes were always wandering somewhere else. The man I have always put my eyes on never even bothered to take a glance at me.

  So, today, I have decided to let myself go. And I am taking baby steps toward trying to walk away from you. Slowly, I am freeing myself from the thought that I am hard to love. I have and will still look at you like how I always did, but I am a step closer to being done looking after you.

  I will love you from afar until I get over you.

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