Unsent Letters To My Almost Lover

Adi Miguel

December 11, 2015

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  APRIL 27, 2015

  Hi. How have you been since the last time we talked about our lives? How have you been since you received a text message from me about my life and not about business? How have you been since you received a smiley from me? How have you been? I want to know. I want to know what happened after that text message. I want to know what happened to you. Do you have questions? Let me answer them; because I have a lot for you. But I know it’s not the right time to ask them; or maybe I won’t ask them at all. I want this to be my last letter but I know that it won’t be.

  JUNE 10 , 2015

  You’re leaving in a while. I’m still waiting for my reaction or how my heart will beat when I see you for the last time. I’m still waiting how will I say “take care” or how will I be on your last day here. I still don’t know. This is somehow new because I always plan on last days; I cherish them.

  I have a lot of questions to you and until now they aren’t answered. I just let you leave without settling them. I’m not afraid to ask you. I don’t fear the awkwardness. I fear your answers. Because you’re a good liar.

  I had all the time to ask you, actually. I had all the time to meet you somewhere. Knowing me, I always find ways. However, I chose not to. I chose to keep everything cool. But I’m still wondering if you know or if you have a hint why we’re detached. I’m asking God to make me forget this; that when I see you again, I’ll be able to welcome you the way I always do when you were away for a while.

  Maybe these questions in my heart won’t be answered forever. Because when the time you’re home, I’m on my way to my destiny.

  JULY 07, 2015

  Happy birthday, love. Hope you’re having a great time. I remember how we planned about this day. How we targeted Batanes as our weekend getaway for your birthday. But we’re oceans away. So I guess, that’s it.

  DECEMBER 08, 2015

  It’s been five months since I wrote an unsent letter to you. It’s been five months since I thought of you, thought of what happened, thought of us.

  I tried to get back and read my unsent letters to you. I tried to open this unsettled case in my heart. And I’m still having the same feels. My heart began to pump its unusual beat again. Butterflies in my tummy were active again. I thought I’m over you. But maybe universe has its way of helping me to get away from you. And maybe this is it.

  This is what really happened just in case you want to know. This is what really happened just in case you want to know why I drifted without an explanation.

  It was three weeks before my graduation and I still do not know if I’ll make it. I was so hopeless and you know that you’re my comfort blanket. You know that very well. Very well.

  I sent you a message asking you for dinner. You always tell me that when I ask for dinner something’s up. But that night you passed. You said, “Next time magyaya ka pa ng isa para hindi lang tayong dalawa. Kasi napapagkamalang tayo.”

  For four long years we go out together, just the two of us. We spend time over dinner and coffee. We try new food hubs. You bring me home at 2am. We walk  through the streets of Pedro Gil and Malvar hand-in-hand. You attend my school events. You got to know my college friends. You bring my bag when you pick me up at school, which I always tell you is the gesture I love. You listen to my rants when university life is almost killing me. You were on my triumphs and failures.  You’re almost mine. We’re almost there. But that one message triggered me to cut my attached strings to you.

  A lot of people asked you what’s going on between us. For four long years you’ve been giving them smiles only.

  What happened? What’s running in your head? I want to know.

  Are you the one that got away?

  I never had the chance to ask you because I fear your answers. I fear you. You’re a good liar.

  I want to try to settle this but the universe is weird. How can I? I decided to face it one day before you left Manila. What happened? I was one of the first few who knows your life decisions. And when you left, I was the last one to know. Good news, I won’t be surprised if I’m the last again to know that you’re coming back.

  Did you just leave me hanging? Why?

  Now that I have all the guts to ask you, will you answer me? Will you write me a letter? Will you tell me the truth or will you play as a professional liar again?

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