Before You Say, “I Do”

July 12, 2016

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

  My fiancè and I have been together for almost 7 years and we have been engaged for almost a year. We have been working together in the same company, until I resigned last month kasi hindi na ko masaya sa work ko. Since then, there are times na super depressed ako kasi I’m struggling emotionally and financially. Out of the blue, his ex, who recently broke up with her boyfriend, started communicating with him. And since then, ang lamig lamig na niya sakin. Yung mga little things I do, naiinis na siya agad. It became worse when he wouldn’t even kiss me or hold my hand. Sobrang sakit. We had a talk a few days ago and he told me the most heartbreaking words a fiancè would tell his lover: Sabi niya, hindi na siya sigurado sa future namin together. Hindi naman siya nakipagbreak. Humihingi lang siya ng time and space sakin. These past days has been very hard. Sobrang sakit lang kasi I need someone to rely on since I’m still looking for work, tapos biglang ganito. I don’t know if I should still wait for him. I need to be enlightened.

  Confused Mercedes

   

  Dear Confused Mercedes,

  Hi, Dear. Sana mabasa mo pa ‘tong post na ‘to. Sorry if it took me a long time to answer, kasi tambak din talaga ang letters daily. But anyway, your story reminds me so much of what I said last week. That in looking for a partner, it is important that our future partner isn’t just stable,  with good genes, or in love with us. It is highly important also to know if our potential partner is one who “suffers well”, and is one who suffers well with us.

  We don’t think of this when we are young and we are happy,  but we can’t be that forever. Life can change in a snap. You lose your job, you become penniless, you get sick, you get old. In short, suffering is a part of life. And the older  you get , the more you realize that suffering is not a rare occurrence, but is a common aspect of our lives. Sorrow comes in many forms, yet it is guaranteed to come.

  So, find someone who suffers well. It doesn’t seem important when life is perfect. Yet, when life starts giving you a “lemonade bath”, you know, life throws you lemons, hahaha, you want someone you can run to, not someone you want to run from.

  You want someone who believes in you, that you can survive the struggle, that it will pass. You want someone who instills faith, faith in God. You have the same God and you both stand strong in your faith, and not causes doubt. You want someone who hopes no matter the circumstances.

  Life is hard enough; there is no need to make it harder. Choosing a spouse who does not suffer well makes life harder, it makes every grief stronger, it makes every sorrow more painful. It makes every hurt deeper.

  So, rejoice! God showed you his true colors, he saved you from someone who can’t suffer well with you.

  

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