Chloe’s Inbox – If your daughter doesn’t deserve it, you don’t deserve it

November 19, 2019

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  Hi DJ Chloe,

  My best friend and I talked about her marital problem. I asked a consent if I can post her “situation” and ask some for an advice because we are not in the same page. She doesn’t want to send it thru her account. Her husband daw has an access eh. I am such a believer of the sanctity of marriage and keep on telling her this is just a phase. Lumilipas din. Is she doing the right thing or I might say did she do the right thing?

  So here’s her letter:

  “I was looking at our photos during our first few dates as a couple. I wanted to remind myself that once in my life I was loved. Those pictures also remind me of a love that’s new and exciting, full of promises and dreams for our future. It makes me wonder what happened to us? I know I am such a failure, pansin ko ‘yun. Parang bumaligtad ang mundo ko. Should he knew me nine (9) or 10 years ago, this is not the usual me. Sabi ko nga kay God sana kung binigyan mo ako ng ganitong pagsubok you should’ve given me someone who will understand me and will still love and care for me despite of what I’m going through. But he is the total opposite. But who am I to question God? He (my husband) had also a fair share of failures in our marriage and as a father. Pero ako pilit kong inintindi lahat pero bakit siya? He keeps on blaming me for being useless when he feels bad about his life or if something bad happens to him. He hurts me a lot. A lot. A hundred times that it made me so numb that I woke up one day hindi ko na siya mahal. Lahat ng away namin iniiyak ko na lang. I tried to avoid talking to him to just reserve the littlest respect that I have to offer pero pati ‘yun kinuha niya na. I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused by him. When I look at our handsome baby. I pity him because I may not be able to give him the normal life that he deserves but hindi ko na talaga kaya. Sorry. Sorry talaga. I don’t want him to grow up in a house full of hostility. He might have a dark and unhappy childhood and worse he might duplicate him. Anyway, madami nang nangyari. I guess we will never be back to our old selves again. I wanted to believe this is just a phase but I cannot take it anymore. Wala na din akong reason to fight for us. And even our baby is not enough reason for me to stay. If God will punish me for breaking this marriage apart, kakayanin ko and tatanggapin ko. Kasalanan ko naman talaga. I did not save our marriage but I did that to save me and our baby. If that sounds so selfish, I’m sorry. Please enlighten me.”

  Hi Dear!

  So if I am to interpret your letter, it seems , you left the marriage already. Well, you do what you have to do, just always remember whatever you decide on, it’s you who will deal with the outcome or consequence. Every marriage is different, iba-iba ang trials sa bawat mag-asawa pero kapag may physical abuse nang involved, ibang istorya na ‘yan. Hindi phase lang ang pananakit, ang pananakit ay pananakit. If you left to keep your sanity and to save your self-esteem, I’d say you did the right thing. Maliit pa anak mo, I’m sure the baby is with you. Tell you what, I have a friend, kausap ko lang kagabi, dekada or years na siyang nagtitiis in a loveless marriage, for the sake of the kids daw. The eldest is already around 20 years old. ‘Di ba mas mahirap umalis kapag malaki na ang mga bata? May opinion na sila eh and you will be afraid na isipin nilang selfish ka for leaving, lalo kung wala naman silang makitang problema sa pamilya nila because you both were so good at pretending that everything is okay. When in fact hindi na pala kayo okay na mag-asawa. If your husband loves you and his family is important to him, he should be able to realize your worth now that wala ka na sa kanya and do something about it to save the marriage. But don’t make it so easy for him though, madali lang mangako eh, mahirap baguhin at mawala ang pang jojombag lalo kung nakita niya ito sa magulang niya at kinalakihan niya. Verbal abuse is also as worse as the physical, the wounds are inflicted in the soul and in the heart. Your husband keeps blaming you for his failures? PUT DOWNS are sign of an abusive partner. They put you down, either publicly or privately, by attacking your intelligence, looks, mental health or capabilities. They constantly compare you unfavorably to others. They blame you for all the problems in your relationship, and for their violent outbursts. If you just got out of this toxic relationship, pahinga ka muna. Be with people who loves you and accepts you, and that’s your family. At the end of the day, your parents will always be the ones constant in your life.

  

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