Ego Talks On Marriage

March 28, 2016

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  Hi DJ Chloe,

  Please call me Sandra. I’ve written to you before but that was done and resolved. I have a different dilemma now. I’m married for almost six years now. I must admit we got pregnant and got married for a fairly short time when we were starting out. We were at our sixth month of our relationship when I got pregnant and five months after that we got married. Everything’s fine. He has a stable job and he provides well that I can be a full time mom to our now four-year old daughter. But we always argue. Both over small and big things. I understand that arguments in relationships are normal. But slowly I am starting to think twice about us. I’m at fault also and O admit that. Often I would get angry at the smallest things and I’ve said hurtful things before to him. But I can’t be causing the argument by myself. With that I’m positive. He’s the kind of husband that because he’s used to being alone (only child and he has problems with his parents) he’s not emotionally open to me. And I’ve always told him to show more interest in me and be sweeter but it’s as if he listens then immediately forgets them. Recently, we had a huge fight and he told me that I don’t have the right to be arrogant because I’m just a housewife. I was so hurt that even though we now talk and are back to normal and all, I still can’t forget and forgive what he told me. He had apologized but deep inside me I know I can’t get it out of the way to be my normal self again. Any piece of advice will be greatly appreciated. Thank you and more power.

  Dear Sandra,

  I’ve seen couples married for decades and still argue about the pettiest thing. It’s normal. Not arguing is not. Magkakaiba tayo eh. Fighting is normal, nothing to fight about is not. Hurting each other physically during a fight is not. You’re lucky to have a husband who can provide, 99% of women probably would love that. I would love that. I’ll probably learn how to bake, cook and who knows what else, come up with a little business of my own. I have the luxury of time pa to bring and pick up my child at school. We can’t have it all, dear. Be thankful you don’t get to drive daily to work or commute, or you’re not the one working and making both ends meet while your husband stays at home (no offense to our housebands).
  As to his problem not being sweet, well, you can’t change people overnight. Ikaw na lang maging sweet. People learn more through practice, I guess. Practisin mo na lang na maging sweet. I am sure matututo din ‘yan. Now, with regards to the huge fight, I think tinamaan ego mo. Ikaw ang ‘di mapakali after he apologized. Here’s what you can do:
  1. Talk to him and tell him how it made you feel. What needs saying, needs saying.
  2. Do something about your being “just a housewife”. You have a good language facility, I presume degree holder ka. Malaki na anak mo, why not work? Para ‘di ka lang “just a housewife” para sa kanya. Baka pagmay ibang titulo ka na p’wede ka ng makipag argumento sa kanya. Minsan talaga ganun. Whoever has the gold, has the voice. So go find some diamonds. :)

  Sincerely,
  Chloe

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