Just Try To Find The Good In Them

May 23, 2016

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  Hi DJ Chloe,

  I hope you’re having a good day! And the reason why I’m sending you this message like everybody else, I also wanted an advise. I actually don’t know how to start but, yeah, I’m married and now have three kids. Year before we live far from my in-laws but due to an incident we have to move near them. To be honest, I’m not very close with them but when they are at our house, of course, out of manner I’m accommodating them. So here we are living next to them, it’s actually fine. For me everything’s fine. Now the only problem is that, I never really liked it when my sister-in-law busts in our kitchen. Checking everything! When they get inside our house they roam around as if they own the place. And if they run out of something, even condiments, which can easily be bought from the store they would instead lend from us? Was it called lending? I don’t know. You know why I hate myself? It’s because I feel like I don’t have the right to tell them that it’s not right for me. They are actually those type of people who do not want correction. And for god sake, I wanted to live a normal life. And I realize that I have to just go with the flow just to keep my family intact. I also don’t want the way they talk behind my back. As if like they’re trying to brainwash my husband. You know the feeling when they are chatting, then you’ll come by and they’ll be quiet. That’s so awkward and irritating as well. Nevertheless, I have never treated them badly. And because of this I felt like I’m starting to get tired of everything. I felt the need to get out before I burst out and do something I might regret.

  Anyway, just to mention I’m currently jobless because we cannot find a helper for the kids. I don’t know. Maybe that’s another factor. I’ve never been idle this long. I thought it’s ideal for a mother to stay at home and take care of the kids instead of working. Believe me when it comes to taking care of them I don’t have complaints. I’m more satisfied because I don’t have to worry unlike when I’m at work. I never complain of cleaning the house and doing the laundry. It’s normal for a mother to do the chores. I only complain for the fact that I lost the right to decide for our home. From the food to eat up to what should be bought, of course my husband would ask for my opinion, but when my in-laws gets in that’s where I begin to feel useless! They would plan everything, they would talk about it in front of me, yet my voice was never heard. My husband always takes consideration of my sister-in-laws’ advises. I’m beginning to hate him because of that. We often argue about that! But he ends up going to their house and would say something like “Oh, bago kayo gumalaw ng kung ano d’yan magpaalam muna kayo kay Neri.” And I was like, “what the hell?!” Instead of talking about it with them chose to insult me. Ipaparinig ng malakas tapos s’yempre masama na ang tingin nila sa’yo kasi madamot ka. That’s what I exactly feel! Am I selfish, Chloe? For someone who has a very limited budget each day? 200 for the whole day? I’m thankful enough to buy basic necessities, tapos sila na may mga trabaho naman. Hindi naman gipit tulad ko hindi makabili ng mantika? My goodness! Pero you’ll see them going to the mall every Sunday. Buying unnecessary things. Making unnecessary trips. While us, we are trying to make both ends meet. Hindi naman siguro pagdadamot because we need it more than they do. I hope you could cut these details Chloe. I just have to say this because I ‘d go crazy if I keep it inside. And I hope you could give me advise. ‘Di ko na alam gagawin ko. Thanks and God bless!

   

  Hi, Neri!

  I can actually feel the fire coming out of your mouth while I was reading your letter. And believe me, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I used to have a very good friend na nakatira sa in-laws, parang isang compound sila. When she would come over to visit me, she’d ask me to cook a sunny side up egg. Kasi daw itlog lang minsan ‘di niya pa makain dahil kailangan pagbumili siya ng itlog, p’wede naman sana na sa kanila lang pero kailangan sakupin niya ang buong compound. Hahahaha! Anyways, maybe one factor kaya buraot or buryo ka na is you’re a stay-at-home mom and nothing’s wrong with that. But you know an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. If the kids are a bit big maybe you can start helping your hubby and the same time make something out of yourself again. Sayang naman ang skills mo, ‘di ba? Another is, scenarios like these are normal ‘pag magkakalapit kayo ng in-laws mo. Too much familiarity bridges contempt, you know. Para sa’kin importante na hindi makipisan both sides at importante rin na malayo from both. And that I will make sure na klaro ‘yun sa kung sino ang makakasama ko sa buhay. Since living far away is not in your option yet, wala sa option niyong mag-asawa. I highly suggest na ‘wag ka lang basta makisama at ‘wag ka lang basta maging mabait. Doblehin mo, plastikin mo dahil in-laws mo ‘yan. Keber na maubos ang mantika at asin mo sa kusina, gumamit ka na lang muna ng mumurahing mantika ‘wag kang bumili ng Extra Virgin Olive Oil, okay? Bottom line: you’ve been trying and doing hatred, why not give effort na pakisamahan at intindihin na lang sila. If they plan kung anong kakainin, let them. At least ‘di mo na iisipin ‘yun. Minsan when you’re trying so hard to resist the more the burden becomes heavy. Go with the flow and try to find the good on it. Baka sakaling maappreciate mo sila. Tandaan mo bilin ko, murang mantika at rock salt sa palengke na lang muna. Ganun lang para kunin man nila ‘di ka masyadong ma-imbey. :)

  

   

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