Never Let A Man Turn From His Obligations As A Father

June 1, 2016

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

  I’m hoping you are having a good day! I once wrote to you about the guy I met in a dating site. This time I’m writing to get some advice on a more personal matter. I’m a single mom. ‘Yung father ng anak ko was a man in uniform. I had moved on since matagal na kaming hiwalay and I am thankful na iniwan niya kami because para sa’kin masama talaga siyang tao. He is not a good father. Not even a good provider. The issue I’m having is that lumalaki na ang mga anak ko and as you know napakahirap magpalaki ng anak lalo na kapag sabay-sabay na nag-aaral. He is giving some amount but it is not even enough to pay school service. Madalas ‘pag nagdedemand ako lumalabas na ako pa ‘yung masama. Parang ako pa ‘yung mukang pera sa napakaliit na amount na binibigay niya monthly. Not to mention na he is paid handsomely sa taas ng posisyon niya. I should say na nasanay siya sa’kin na spoiled. I’m at the edge of filing a case so I can demand for what’s due and reasonable for my children. Kaya lng I’m worried about the relationship I had with them, his relatives, I’m worried na baka lalo niya balewalain ang mga anak ko. It’s really painful for a mother na maneglected ang mga anak mo kaya hinahabaan ko ang pasensya ko. But somehow, naisip ko, matagal niya ng binabalewala mga anak ko. It is about time na magdemand na lang ako. So kahit papano mabawasan naman ang hirap ko. Tama ba na tanggalin ko na lang lahat ng communication sa kanila ng family niya at mga bata? To be honest, pakiramdam ko, para kong ipinagmamakaawa ng atensyon ang mga anak ko sa kanilang lahat. I feel sorry for my children, really. Especially for my youngest. Please give me some advice. Thank you!

  Lili

  Dear Lili,

  Stories like yours is very common. There are women I know of who just suffered in silence and have decided to carry the burden ALONE, of taking care of their child, of making both ends meet so she can feed them and send them to school. And I myself is one of them.

  For the past 16 years, I have been doing everything I can so I’ll be able to solely provide for my daughter, when in fact the father can very much afford to help but decided not to. His reason, ibigay ko sa kanya kung hindi ko kaya. Lame, right? No mother in the real sense of the word will give up their children just so they can have a life. If a mother can do that maybe she has the most valid reason or maybe she is not just into being a mother. But a mother will never give up nor give up on their children. Magkamatayan na akin ang anak ko and I’m sure you feel the same.

  Yes, you can file case always! And yes, you can also not file a case. It depends on what you really want to happen and what you really need. If I were you I would even drag it to the upper management of the AFP or the PNP, or whatever P, if I need to. It’s time to put your feet down, my dear and stop thinking about what his relatives will say. If they will say anything, they  must provide for your kids as well! Wala silang pakialam, wala kang utang na loob sa kanila! Nanghihingi ka ba sa kanila? If not, bakit ka maaalangan, to hell with them all!

  Defense mechanism ng lalaki ang ganyan. Just because they DON’T WANT TO GIVE they will make you feel so incompetent and so guilty and so wrong for reminding them of their moral and financial obligation to their kids!

  Subukan mong istorbohin at nang malaman mo rin ano ang p’wedeng gawin ng sangay ng gobyerno ng kapulisan or kasundaluhan sa ganitong mga kaso ng alagad nila.

  

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