No Regrets When I Became A Mother

June 17, 2016

• 

  Hi DJ Chloe,

  Good day to you and to all of your avid listeners. Sumulat na po ako dito before but that was a different problem. Ngayon, I am in the crossroads of making my decision again. I have a foreign boyfriend, he has three kids but divorced. We have been in a relationship for a year now. We have a regular communication online and he also went here already. We have a serious relationship actually to the extent that we have talked about the future. Knowing naman kasi foreigners, sila ‘yung direct to the point. You tell me what you want and don’t want. I have been honest with him that I really wanted to have kids with him. That would complete me as a woman. Until he told me something, DJ Chloe, that he has another child from a different woman. This woman he was dating before me. He knew this just recently. The problem now is, he doesn’t want to have another child again. For him, having 4 kids is  too much obligation. Meaning ‘pag magkatuluyan kami there is no chance for me to have a child. Binigyan niya ako ng choice, if I will still stay with him or not ‘di naman niya ako daw pipigilan if I wanted to leave. ‘Di ba unfair on my part that I will make the final decision for our relationship.. Sabi nya pa I will just wait for a few months he might change his mind baka palang makapag isip isip sya. Do I still need to hold on that hope. Or should I take the risk of not having a child just to be with him? Thank you so much in advance and more power to your show.

  It’s me,

  Confused woman

  Dear Confuse Woman,

  Now, that is really hard. Ang main purpose ng marriage, from what I have been taught of back in the days, is pro-creation. Kaya sa mga seminar nga pinag-iisip ng mabuti ang mga magpapakasal because s’yempre on top of their reasons kaya magpapakasal ay para magkapamilya. But what if hindi kayo biyayaan ng anak?  Ayawan na?

  In your case, he has a point. Four kids are too much for obligation na rin for him, especially if he isn’t that stable to be able to sustain and if he is already a bit old.

  I can understand you want to have your own child with him. But he is not into it anymore. So what’s more important to you? If you say having a child, then you have to let go of him. Because chances are he might not like it if you get pregnant with him. If he is more important to you then I guess you won’t be sending me a letter, right?

  He gave you the chance to decide and he will understand according to him if you leave. Hindi kaya he is providing you exit? Or maybe  he is just really being true to himself.

  He might change his mind? Na baka sakaling okay na sa kanya kahit isang anak lang? Maybe you can hold on to that hope. But, Ma’am, he told you he would understand if you leave him for his choice of not having kids anymore. So where are you in his life? Where do you stand? Just like that, let you go? Sometimes when you don’t know where you are in someone’s life, maybe you need to make a step back. Pero I can only tell you this, I may have regrets in my life with the relationships I’ve had. I may abhor the father of my kids but I will never regret the day I became a mother. I will choose my children over and over again even in the next lifetime.

  

• COMMENTS