Thinking About The Essence Of Marriage

February 19, 2016

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  Dear DJ Chloe,

   

  Please hide my real identity and just call me Mr. Hopeless. I’m an avid reader and listener of your program. I’ve been married for 20 years to the only woman in my life that I truly loved more than anything. We had our future planned out many years ago that even though we already have a family, she will go to school again, finish her studies and have a career since I didn’t finish school. While I continue to work and take care of the business that her family help us built. Then after she graduates, she will apply for a job in the big city and then the kids and I will move there permanently. I’ve worked hard during those years, going to the office early and many times going home late. There are times I made nights like days or even travel to the farthest side of the country for days just to meet the needs of the clients. I gave her the freedom of going out with friends, parties, even going out of the country with her friends I have not even met before. She can do whatever she wants, you name it and its fine with me. I want her to enjoy life because I know I took it away from her when we got married at a very young age and have to take care of the kids. And now that they’ve all grown up, strict supervision is not necessary. Eventually, our plan worked out. Our marriage was not perfect but for me she is perfect. We had our flaws, mine’s the worst but I can say we’ve learned to deal with each other. We had our arguments, financial problems, etc., but we’ve managed to fix things eventually but not until now.

  Few years ago when she was already working in the city and I’m still back at our hometown, I’ve learned that she had an affair a few years back. It started when she was still in school but it was already over when I’ve found out. She admitted it but I didn’t asked for the whole story how, why and when did it happen. And then my world fell apart and wanted to stop living. We talked, she gave me the right to decide whether to tell the kids about that or not and offered financial support needed if the outcome would be to not go there and live with her. I love her so much I did not hesitate at that moment and decided to give it another try and never mentioned anything to the kids. But it lasted only for a couple of months then insanity came to me, temporary insanity. Fights were always on the table while she was alone there working hard to provide for us because I’ve already sold the business. I became so depressed, devastated, angry and crazy enough to do drugs again and be a drunk. I paid for sex for the first time in my life. I think I might have done something on social media too that might have affected her reputation, I’m not sure. The thing is she’s very influential when it comes to social media. It happened so fast I didn’t know what hit me, I’m not on my right mind at that time to have done all those things and I know it’s unforgivable. Now I think these are the consequences of my actions. We are living here now in the city, but not as a couple. There are times she just casually tells me to get a girlfriend and it really hurts, coming from the only woman that I have loved all my life. I know that I won’t do that and I can’t because I love her too much and she is all that I need. I was saddened by her words that she didn’t made me happy, when in my mind her middle name was happiness. I have agreed to her decision before we even got here that we will be civil and it’s over between us, but that not what I want because I was hoping that she could learn to love me again and start a new life in this new place. I was back to my old self, the happy, jolly, joker can-do-it-all me. But that was a long time ago, now I am just putting a fake smile when I talk to them, fake laugh if needed. Thinking that this was just a bad dream for me to get by every day, hoping one day I’ll wake up in bed beside my beloved wife and everything is back the way I remembered it, before she left to work in the big city. If only I could hold her, hug her, smell her hair and kiss her one more time then I would, than forever without it. It’s really hard to lose someone that was your whole world, when she made you feel that she love you so much and she’s the one who can’t live without you then suddenly everything’s changed. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am again on the brink of self destruction and wanted to stop living.

   

  Mr. Hopeless

   

  Dear Mr. Hopeless,

   

  What you’ve told me just now are the things you should be telling your WIFE. It’s her who needs to know what and how you feel and how much you can’t handle losing her. You, being crazy again, doing drugs, that’s your choice or you can choose to be the man she has loved and married and start all over again. The thing about second chances, it’s for free and there’s always a date on the calendar to start all over again.

   

  Sit down with her, bare your soul. She is your other half, talk to her, tell her what you told me.

   

  Sincerely,

  Chloe

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