I Had Sex With My Best Friend

Carl Magbanua

February 5, 2016

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  I always thought that you can’t be best friends with the opposite gender. They say, you may not really like your best friend but there would always be a little feeling inside you towards your buddy.

  But I say, it depends. It depends on how strong you are. It depends on how can you say “no” to that little bugging feeling inside you. It depends on how can you resist. And speaking of resist–I didn’t.

  Dani is my best friend since high school. She’s the boyish girl in school, very exclusive, intelligent and the last person I’d thought I’d fall in love to–I only thought.

  When college came, she’s still the same. We were still the same. A part of me was frustrated because I always tell her to try to be girly so that someone would court her. Because if none, I’ll be the one to do the job. But she said,

  “Carl, promise mo naman sa’kin na hindi magiging tayo.”

  “Bakit?”

  “Kasi kung hindi sure na tayo talaga forever, ‘wag na lang.”

  “Okay…”

  I held on to that.

  We graduated and had our careers. A lot of things changed. She wears dresses, wears make-up, brings hand bags, wears jewelries, wears expensive perfume and became that pretty girl that I wanted her to be.

  Dani before + Dani today = Stronger Pretty Dani

  I guess her career changed her. The way she speaks now is bolder, not sugarcoating, not sweet. But always sincere and true. Still my Dani.

  One night I invited her for dinner. She’s always the first one to taste when I am experimenting new recipes. She loves my cooking (or just because we’re best friends).

  After dinner we chat over beer. It’s my favorite session with her because we can talk seriously. We can be so true about ourselves. We can be just us–the usual us.

  We’re having too much beer that I can feel the kick of alcohol in my head. I told her that she can use my room and I’ll sleep in the couch. I can’t bring her home. It’s not safe for me to drive anymore. But she kept on insisting that we just stay in the couch. So I stayed. I closed my eyes. I felt her close to me. She’s leaning her head on my shoulders and I wrapped my arms around her. She wrap her arms around me and caressed my chest. Her fingers are too…ugh!

  My eyes are still closed and I felt her fingers removing the buttons of my top. Is this it? Will she do this? Can she do this?

  So I’m just there, eyes closed. I don’t want to assume that we’re having sex. But I tried her. As she unbuttons my top I moved my hands in her hips, then to her thighs, then back again until I reach her breasts. But she’s not moving nor reacting. I guess this is it. I opened my eyes. I saw her looking at me, smiling. I can’t stare back. So I smiled and closed my eyes again as I tried to caress her breasts again and unlock her bra pin. She’s already moving and I feel her over me. She’s already on my lap and here I am so drunk.

  When I opened my eyes she’s already naked. I started making out with her.

  “Ouch,” she stopped kissing.

  “Bakit?”

  “Nakagat mo ‘ko,” and she smiled.

  “Akin na, kiss ko.”

  I kissed her again. I caressed her back and carried her to my bedroom. And because I’m tipsy we almost fell but I made it and lay her down to my bed which has new clean sheets. Perfect for a drunk sex.

  I removed my clothes and went over her. Every touch from Dani a question pops in my head, is this real? Every kiss she give away and every breath of mine she takes away, I can’t help but think of what’s next between us. As I get into her and hear her moan and pain, I remember when we had our promise. How can I just have sex and not love her after? It’s Dani I’m sleeping with tonight, not just any other girl. She’s my best friend. The person I run into when things get fucked up. The person I am happy with. The person I say my deepest secrets and feelings to. One of the people I value the most. And I can’t afford to lose her just because of this wrong move.

  When we’re done, she lay her head on my arms. I closed my eyes again trying to sleep and lose the headache. But she began to talk to me,

  “Carl, after nito ano na?”

  “Actually, iniisip ko din ‘yan.”

  “Pa’no na? Wala na, na-break na natin ‘yung promise natin.”

  So surprised that she remembers the promise.

  “Baka naman kasi hindi meant na best friends talaga tayo. O baka may ibang plano ang universe para sa’ting dalawa?,” I said.

  “Baka nga. Sabagay okay na din ‘to, best friend ko ang first sex ko.”

  “Gusto mo bang i-try kung magwo-work out tayong dalawa?”

  “Paano kung hindi?”

  “May plano ang kalawakan. Chill ka lang.”

  “I trust you on this. Please don’t break my heart.”

  “I love you?”

  “I love you too?”

  Corny. But trying a relationship with Dani was one of the few right choices I made in my life. But not all right choices remain, or made in the right time. Our relationship didn’t work out after a three years. She’s my sweetest mistake. And if I can choose right now, if only I can talk to the universe to keep us together, if I could only make it up to her, I’d still want Dani back.

  I still believe my mom when she said that your greatest love will be your best friend.

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