It’s Been A Year Now

Teph Locsin & Adi Miguel

October 4, 2016

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  It’s been a year. It’s been a year since your last message and what you said was “bye po.” It’s been a year since I last saw the interface of Skype. It’s been a year since I last wore the ring you gave. It’s been a year since I played COC. It’s been a year since I heard a beep from Facebook messenger. It’s been a year since I tried to see if you’re still online. It’s been a year, love. It’s been a year.

  It’s been a year of trying to pull myself together after you left just like that. It’s been a year of fighting all the tears, all the pain, all the questions inside my head and my heart. A year of fighting so hard just to get over you. Not for myself but still for you. That’s how much I love you. That even moving forward is for you to get the space that you needed.

  It’s been a year already. I miss you, I really do. Today marks the day that you left me. You left me hanging, no goodbyes, no nothing. Nada.  I was lost in the abyss of heart ache. It was a different pain that even a thousand tears cannot name it. I was back to square one and I lost my greatest love forever. I tried to send messages, tried to call you, begged for you to come back, begged for you to be mine again. It’s been a year since I became that stupid.

  I was like a walking zombie for weeks. I wish you could feel my heart race every single time I received a message because I was hoping that it’s you. I wish you knew how time and time again it was you who I wanted to call when great and not-so-great things happen. I was hoping I would wake up again from your call every morning, hoping that you will send me a long message and tell me that it was just a dream, that it was just a prank. But days went by and weeks passed, I haven’t heard anything from you.

  I remember the nights when I cried hard; days when my voice will crack up just by saying or hearing your name. I miss your laugh, I miss how you say my name, how you tell me stupid things just to make me smile. I miss the way you look at me, the way you look after me when I sleep till the moment my eyes flutter in the morning. I miss the inside jokes and the dirty talks that we have. The times when you tried singing for me. I miss your smile, your scent and the warmth of your soul.

  It’s been a year since I got hurt and I keep on accepting them because that’s genuine, true, and real love. It kills me yet ironically makes me feel, somehow, alive.

  We were meant to cross each others’ path but we are not destined to be together. Never sacrifice your dignity for your destiny. I don’t feel any anger or hatred towards you. I did my very best to keep you. I’m glad we had our time. I’m happy. I’ll be able to hold on to some good memories. People will leave you, will hurt you but trust me you will survive. You will learn from it and you will move on.

  And believe me I’d still choose you if I had to go through this love again. You’re the risk that I’ll always take.

  It’s been a year already. I miss you. I really do.

   

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